Update about Sarah

Gave Sarah an extra pill(seroquel) yesterday with her first pills of the day in the hopes of heading her moods off before they even got started. It worked.I also put her evening dose back to what she's been at all summer. This will take a few days to build up, so will continue with the 1st pill of the day, then drop that when her blood level gets back up to what it was before.It's not just that I can't take this, it's that I believe that this is really damaging to Sarah's self-esteem. I don't know how much she remembers the next day because she acts like it was nothing, but I don't know if that is just her trying to save face. I know that if she is aware of how she is acting at the time that this is extremely painful to her, as I know who she is and this is NOT who she wants to be. She is warm, caring, extremely empathetic, sympathetic, loyal to an extreme and giving. Plus as we have bonded more and more she has finally learned to have real conversations with me and has let me see more of who she is and she is one special young lady. She would not treat me like she has been lately.I can understand a little bit, on a really minute scale as I have had really severe PMS over the years. At the time they didn't call it PMDD, but I asked my psych one time and she said that ya ,that's what I have, although I've been on meds for so long it's too hard to tell now.My point is that with PMS I acted irrationally and said things that would normally not come out of my mouth, but I was aware the whole time and I HATED it, which only made things worse.So knowing how bad I felt, if Sarah is going thru that multiplied by whatever to make it her behavior then she is in a lot of pain. It is my job as her mother to find a way to put an end to that pain if it is within my power to do so.I don't want her to have to live like this. And I can't either. It's been 2 1/2 years since she was diagnosed BP. It's been such a rollercoaster ride.