Updating
I just wanted to update this thing to show that I gambled again this wknd... I cant seem to make it through a whole week even anymore, I guess I am not trying and giving into the depression, I dont even enjoy it but still feel driven by it. I loaded 75 onto the online poker acct friday, and then put ten down sunday on two game tickets. I told myself the poker isnt "that bad", but I was a little drunk and lonely saturday night and thought it would be fun to play the online casino - it wasnt fun and I blew it all even though the whole time I was basically saying to myself this is stupid, this is dumb, I know its going to just "eat my money"... well, it did, all 150 including the money i "won" playing poker - so now I think I was good for winning at poker and just need to make sure I dont do something stupid again, but its always something stupid :(
I dont know how to update the goal to show I gambled yesterday, because I didnt actually gamble today but if I say I didnt gamble it will think its been 8 days, and if I say I did it will say 0 days, both of which are wrong.... and really who is going to come on here the day that they gambled, or drank, or did drugs, and admit they werent "sober"? There should be a way to update the day after!
I find myself trying to find escape more and more lately with other things too besides gambling. And I really broke down today and was spending a lot of time thinking about suicide, which is really not good. I was feeling really negative cuz it feels like I never do what I want, I am always doing what my wife wants and sacrificing - with the exception of the gambling which I hide from her. The whole wknd I had to work and cook and clean to host her family, and then another day had to travel and spend time visiting with her family. I spent 3 days of my long wknd doing nothing that I wanted to do, with the exception of saturday night I got 30 minutes alone after she went to bed so I did the only thing I could think of, and gambled.... I dont think I have a healthy relationship at all, but I dont know how to fix it or make it any better.
4 years ago when I met my wife I was depressed and sad and desperate to change my life for the better. My life seemed to get a lot better, I worked at it, and my wife helped me, but now that I have a much better job, a nice new car, a house, and a wife, I am more depressed than ever bc I feel trapped with no time or freedom, and money is tighter than ever to try and pay for everything we now have.
I dont know how to update the goal to show I gambled yesterday, because I didnt actually gamble today but if I say I didnt gamble it will think its been 8 days, and if I say I did it will say 0 days, both of which are wrong.... and really who is going to come on here the day that they gambled, or drank, or did drugs, and admit they werent "sober"? There should be a way to update the day after!
I find myself trying to find escape more and more lately with other things too besides gambling. And I really broke down today and was spending a lot of time thinking about suicide, which is really not good. I was feeling really negative cuz it feels like I never do what I want, I am always doing what my wife wants and sacrificing - with the exception of the gambling which I hide from her. The whole wknd I had to work and cook and clean to host her family, and then another day had to travel and spend time visiting with her family. I spent 3 days of my long wknd doing nothing that I wanted to do, with the exception of saturday night I got 30 minutes alone after she went to bed so I did the only thing I could think of, and gambled.... I dont think I have a healthy relationship at all, but I dont know how to fix it or make it any better.
4 years ago when I met my wife I was depressed and sad and desperate to change my life for the better. My life seemed to get a lot better, I worked at it, and my wife helped me, but now that I have a much better job, a nice new car, a house, and a wife, I am more depressed than ever bc I feel trapped with no time or freedom, and money is tighter than ever to try and pay for everything we now have.
Replies
This sounds a lot like my story. My therapist suggested today that gambling is like a secret lover that I keep on the side. Whenever I\'m unhappy or my partner doesn\'t meet my expectations, I run to that other lover.... when I need comforting or excitement or something fun to do. It\'s always there, my little secret. Have you tried therapy to try and get to the bottom of what you are really unhappy about? I hope we can both figure it out and beat this damn addiction before it beats us.