Up early,time for reflection and gratitude

Good morning journal,the time is now 7:46am in my part of the world,I have been awake since 7:00am,I slept well and I am rested,both in my body and in my mind.The silence of our home this morning is very soothing,I have deliberately left my hearing aids out for the moment,it is a time to revel in the silence that my deafness affords me,and to breathe in the softness of a brand new day unhindered by the noise of the world outside.The morning smells of newness,the air outside as yet untainted by the fumes of carbon monoxide emitted from car exhausts,the remnants of last nights rain left on emerald green colored leaves before falling soundlessly onto the dampness of the ground from the trees and bushes that surround our home,and I can feel the presence of God in every breath.This is when I feel closest to the Lord,in the quietness of a world still rubbing the last remnants of sleep from it's eyes and beginning to wake before finally swinging into the rowdiness of the new day with it's noise and quickening pulse as people begin to go to work and school,and it is at times like this that I feel fortunate,for although I miss the routine of work and the satisfaction of earning a living on my own,it is at this time that I feel blessed over all men that the silence and the calmness is mine to enjoy without rushing,something to be savored and lingered over,for even with all of our present troubles and hardships,it is still a beautiful world.The first mug of coffee of the day is always the best one,and I am grateful for the warm and soothing embrocation of it as I sit gazing from our lounge window at the world outside,my body feels calm and rested and my mind is in a peaceful place,it doesn't matter how long it will last,for it is in moments such as these that a man feels good to be alive.Yes,financially we are struggling,and we will continue to struggle for the immediate future,that is just something that is an unavoidable situation for now,even if I am fortunate enough to be successful in my disability claim we will still continue to face hardships financially.When I lost the ability to work through my illnesses,the bills were still there,and they remain still there,we pay what we can when we can,but creditors can be uncaring and ruthless in their dealings with you,seemingly having no sympathy for your situation or your failing health.We continue to pray daily,our faith in a loving Creator sustaining us in our most troubled and worrying times,He has not let us down yet,providing our needs,sometimes even when we could see no way out for us,and He continues to provide.The claim for disability will take time,all government departments and agencies are notoriously slow in dealing with claims for aid or assistance,it is just something we have to deal with,we believe that God is on our side and that the powers that be will decide in our favor,it is a time for patience and,for the moment,making do.Physically,I have good and bad days,sometimes,a lot of the time,I feel very weak and tired,other times,I feel a little stronger,not a lot,but a little,those are the times when I try to make an extra effort to be agreeable and a little bit nicer to those around me.When I am very tired I tend to push people away,not because I want to,it's just something that happens,perhaps it's some kind of inbuilt defense mechanism,I don't know.Mentally,my voices are still there,so if the idea of the anti psychotic medicine was to make them go away,it ain't working doc!,they have changed in their attitude towards me though,so perhaps that part is due somewhat to the drugs,before I started on the quetiapine they could be very forceful and belligerent,today,although at times they can still be very insistent,they have also become more benevolent towards me.Jeremiah especially spends a lot of time speaking with me,he keeps mentioning a message,a message that when I get it I will know what to do but when I ask him what message?,he tells me that I am not ready yet.Ruth and Micah are quieter,but I sense them in the background when Jeremiah speaks with me,occasionally,one or the other will say something to me,but Jeremiah seems to be the main spokesman for all three.Today,they have become friends,and I am no longer embarrassed or ashamed to talk about them with other people,it is up to them if they choose to believe me or not,I know they are real,it is a fact of life for me,and I really don't care who thinks otherwise.Ruth has mentioned a purpose for me but stopped when Jeremiah rebuked her,perhaps it all has something to do with the message he keeps talking about,whatever the message or purpose is,it seems that I am not ready to hear it yet in Jeremiah's eyes,no matter,I have all the time in the world for him to tell me,I can wait. Well journal,that's enough for now,today I am going to spend time resting and being grateful for the little we have,so,until next time then,may God continue to walk with us.