up and having so much roll through my head
So a few weeks ago Telly and I found out she was pregnant. We'd been talking for about two weeks about getting back together, it was always the plan, but there was alot of in and outs that happened and set things back and forth. A big one was her attraction to Christian. She got very close to him and it was obvious if I wasn't in the picture, she would be with him now. It shows alot that she's concerned about the fact that she hurt him with all this. She says it's cause he's a good guy and cares alot, spent alot of time with her. All that's true, but it makes me question things. Is it really the best decision to get back together when she's torn in this way? I believer her when she says she loves me and there just so many things we stress and disagree about, but honestly, I don't see it sometimes. Like we haven't really fought in awhile, we had a minor spat in Kingston. But it's not like we are arguing to the point of rage anymore. Seems to be the first spat since she made out with Christian. I don't know...Part of me thinks she makes this harder then it has to be; another part of me thinks maybe I'm stressing too much. I don't bring it up , I try to let it just simmer off and see where that goes, just in case maybe I'm starting to make a big deal out of nothing. Just feels like that endless loop is coming back, seems like the moment she ends up in a relationship with me she turns into this different person and it takes away that happy person. She's also gotten back into the habit of hitting...I love her alot, she's an amazing girl when she's just herself, but I think she's kind of lying to herself. I've always believed there are some people who are programmed to be monogamous and others promiscuous and I think she's a promiscuous person wanting to be monogamous. She just seems miserable when she's tied down to someone and loves the thrill of being chased.Raquel found out on Monday she's pregnant with her ex boyfriend's kid. We've been talking alot about it. I know I'm getting closer and closer with her, I've put an end to the romantic side of that, but something about her still intrigues me to a degree. She's an intellegent, caring woman who actually listens and sees things from a different point of view rather then just her own way and that's it. I know this kid really has her down cause just like her other two, she's got no one to help her through this one and as much as I would offer, I have my own child to plan for. I don't know, life just seems to like to throw these curveballs.