up and down

I had another blood test today to check my hcg levels. i hope i goes down bc the bleeding has stopped (only wearing panty liners now) and my worst fear is to have a d&c i have never had to have on before n dont want to now.On a positive note i have gotten out of bed the past 2 days although not leaving the house unless going to dr but i have done some cleaning and had a bit of a sleep. Im feeling alot better but i do have moments when i just burst into tears when i think thta she will never be in my arms. I feel like my future has been taken from me and i have nothing left to look 4ward to anymore.thinking about going back to work after the school holidays which is over in a little over a week.Jaiden went to stay with my dad 4 a few days im hoping to be back to my normal functioning self by then. I know jaiden and Kev miss me. Kev even told me the other day he misses me and i said but im here he replied no ur not.