Up again
It just seems like I can't get myself straight. Yesterday I was depressed, today I was okay. I think I see my therapist tomorrow, if I can get her on the phone to confirm the appointment. I'm calling her now, but she didn't pick up. Okay, she just called, we are good for tomorrow. I need to tell her that I want to focus on my mood swings because they are getting out of control. I hope tomorrow I can be okay for the session and after- last week I crashed after the session, even though it was very helpful. I think the downfall of last week was the donuts. I was doing okay until the whole donut issue came into play.
This week I'm going to avoid the donuts and try to avoid the bad food. I might need to eat something while I'm gone, maybe I'll go to Wendy's and get a chili or something. I like their chili. I don't know of much healthy fast food when I go out, and I know there is a Chipotle across the street but that's worse than the donuts. I think I will have to look around if I have time to see what I can eat that's healthy and budget-friendly. Maybe some black beans and rice at a local Cuban place. I love black beans and rice, and they are generally cheap. Of course, I could get a can of black beans and make my own rice, but my rice has been bad lately and I tried making black beans from scratch and it didn't go over too well. Well, all they needed was to be cooked for longer. I just needed to add more water to them. Oh well, I know for next time.
Today I was mood swinging, actually, now that I think about it. I was having an anxiety and anger attack when I went to get my TB test read. I had good reason to, though... it took them 2 hours to read a simple test. I went to one department, then to another, and then finally back to the original. I was missing a piece of paper that they needed apparently, so we had to go to the office and get it. Once I got the paper, it took 2 seconds. The test was negative, you can barely tell they did one, and yet it took 2 hours to get it done. Things like that just get to me... I think they would get to anyone, though. I think it was normal for me to get angry, and then the anxiety followed the anger and kinda mixed with it. I'm trying to figure out proper emotional responses to things and improper ones as well.
Stress/Mood/Sleep: I just tried to call the place for the car, but they were closed since it's late at night. I know it's going to be on my mind until I get it taken care of, but right now there's nothing I can do. I found out Sallie Mae can garnish my checks from SSDI, but they can't take it all so I should have enough to live on. The guy I spoke to said they wanted $150 for hardship payments. It's not a lot compared to my loan, but if that's all I have to worry about, then I should be in better shape than I thought. Mood- I'm doing okay. I thought I was doing better until I wrote this journal and figured out more of my moods for the day. Sleep- i went to sleep around midnight and woke up around 6am. I took a klonopin to get back to sleep and slept until 11:30. I am going to try and go to sleep early tonight since I have to be up early for therapy tomorrow.
Food: Today I was pretty high on calories- I had tomato soup and grilled cheese for breakfast, macos for lunch with a salad, some Sun Chips when I was waiting at the clinic, and regular dinner. I did have my coffee today, which did make me feel better. I need to get fat free creamer next time I get creamer so I don't have to worry so much about the calories from the coffee.
This week I'm going to avoid the donuts and try to avoid the bad food. I might need to eat something while I'm gone, maybe I'll go to Wendy's and get a chili or something. I like their chili. I don't know of much healthy fast food when I go out, and I know there is a Chipotle across the street but that's worse than the donuts. I think I will have to look around if I have time to see what I can eat that's healthy and budget-friendly. Maybe some black beans and rice at a local Cuban place. I love black beans and rice, and they are generally cheap. Of course, I could get a can of black beans and make my own rice, but my rice has been bad lately and I tried making black beans from scratch and it didn't go over too well. Well, all they needed was to be cooked for longer. I just needed to add more water to them. Oh well, I know for next time.
Today I was mood swinging, actually, now that I think about it. I was having an anxiety and anger attack when I went to get my TB test read. I had good reason to, though... it took them 2 hours to read a simple test. I went to one department, then to another, and then finally back to the original. I was missing a piece of paper that they needed apparently, so we had to go to the office and get it. Once I got the paper, it took 2 seconds. The test was negative, you can barely tell they did one, and yet it took 2 hours to get it done. Things like that just get to me... I think they would get to anyone, though. I think it was normal for me to get angry, and then the anxiety followed the anger and kinda mixed with it. I'm trying to figure out proper emotional responses to things and improper ones as well.
Stress/Mood/Sleep: I just tried to call the place for the car, but they were closed since it's late at night. I know it's going to be on my mind until I get it taken care of, but right now there's nothing I can do. I found out Sallie Mae can garnish my checks from SSDI, but they can't take it all so I should have enough to live on. The guy I spoke to said they wanted $150 for hardship payments. It's not a lot compared to my loan, but if that's all I have to worry about, then I should be in better shape than I thought. Mood- I'm doing okay. I thought I was doing better until I wrote this journal and figured out more of my moods for the day. Sleep- i went to sleep around midnight and woke up around 6am. I took a klonopin to get back to sleep and slept until 11:30. I am going to try and go to sleep early tonight since I have to be up early for therapy tomorrow.
Food: Today I was pretty high on calories- I had tomato soup and grilled cheese for breakfast, macos for lunch with a salad, some Sun Chips when I was waiting at the clinic, and regular dinner. I did have my coffee today, which did make me feel better. I need to get fat free creamer next time I get creamer so I don't have to worry so much about the calories from the coffee.
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