Unwanted Memories
Wednesday, July 2, 2008 -- 11:10 A.M. Last night, I went to bed and thought that I would get a good night’s sleep. It did not turn out that way. About three o’clock, I suddenly awoke to the sound of people outside my apartment door. I became scared, but tried some deep breathing, which helped me to relax. An hour or so later, I dreamed that there were men in my bedroom who were sexually abusing me. They were taking turns raping me, and when I opened my mouth to yell for help, I was forced to perform oral sex on them. When the sun finally rose today, that dream slowly faded away into nothingness. I have been seeing this dream frequently in recent weeks. I feel as though I am repeatedly reliving the things that really did happen to me. It is beginning to take a heavy toll on me. I do not know why this is happening so often, but these dreams are causing me to have a lot of stress, pain, and unwanted memories. Quotes for Success: “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” Herman Cain
Replies
Are you going to call your therapist/people and let them know this?
The word unwanted appears up there... Does that mean anything in a bigger picture? You DIDN\'T want it to happen back then. Are you finally realizing that it\'s not your fault? How conditioned and manipulated you were from such a young age, that you never got to be a kid, so you didn\'t get to be a teenager, and discover what things in life you love?
Weebs loves you, you know that?
Hugs and Mojo....
I am not calling my psychologist (or anyone else) about this. The last time I told her something similar to this, she simply told me to remember that no one could hurt me because it was only a dream. I did not find that to be very helpful.
Okay, Weebs, I have begun seeing the bigger picture differently. Why would I have wanted the abuse to ever occur unless I did something to bring it about? I cannot even imagine what that would have been. I think one, or more, people started manipulating me at an early age, so that I would believe whatever they told me, and go along with whatever they wanted from me. They took away my ability to think for myself. They messed up my mind so much that I am still unsure of who, or what, I am.
Yes, I know that Weebs loves me. I hope she never regrets it.
Jim
: )
I am so sorry this is happening to you, I feel so bad that I don\'t know what to say,
Jim Sorry to hear about these Dreams, I don\'t know much about abuse, But many people advise me to think about something more pleasant or to go to my \"happy Place\" when I remember unhappy memories, Hugs-Stephanie
Jim,
It\'s possible to take control of your dreams. It\'s really not that difficult to do, either. It\'s possible to use your dreams to help you heal from all this abuse and take control.
There is a great movie about this called Waking Life. I can sum up the way to gain power in your dreams.
Throughout the day, check periodically to make sure you are not dreaming. This will create a habit of checking whether you are in your waking life or not. One way to confirm if you are dreaming or awake is to check light switches. Apparently, in our dreams, light switches do not work.
I tried this and got control of my dreams fairly fast. I was amazed at how easy it was to develop the habit.
Once you have control over your dream, or rather the awareness you are in a dream, you can take control.
Then Jim can kick some abuser ass. I would recommend planning what you will do in your Waking Life so that when you are in your dream, you are prepared. When I got awareness in my dream I woke up from excitement and lack of preparedness.
I can\'t wait to find out what happens to these men. I hope you bit them when they demand oral sex. I hope you gain power over every one of them and show them how it feels to be powerless.
Your friend,
Sam
I hope you castrate them. I hope you suck the strength out of them with some superpowers and then parade them around town while the whole world laughs at them and calls them names. I hope their secrets get exposed and then they are all ordered to be your slaves so that you never have to wait for another Ass-A-Ride again. You get all of their money and you become a wealthy, powerful author and get all the respect you deserve. They get shamed and feel inadequate and selfish while you feel empowered.