Unwanted isolation
I am sad this morning. I did not sleep well last night. I know T didn't sleep well, either. And SL stayed up until 2. Since I fell asleep putting Baby S to bed, I forgot to tell SL to go to bed at a reasonable time.
This morning, I woke at 7:30 when my alarm went off but then fell back asleep until 9:15, so I'm late to work. I had to wake T to take care of Baby S. Whiel I was still getting ready, he called out SL to lecture her on staying up too late. Sounds like it's going to be a fun day upstairs. I hate hearing them fight while I'm at work.
Yesterday was company lunch - outdoors BBQ - with a dunking booth. Sounded like fun. And today is game day. And I'm here in my basement with moths and spiderwebs and unhappy voices upstairs. I hate to say it, but I miss Mississippi today.
My stomach still hurts, too. Last week I had a ruptured cyst and a WHOLE lot of pain, so I went to the ER, where they gave me pain meds. The meds helped with the pain, but they also gave me constipation, which I didn't recognize was causing more pain, so I kept taking meds for pain which were causing pain. I'm getting better now, but my stomach still hurts. And I'm tired. I want to go upstairs and go back to bed and send everyone else away. Except Baby S. She seemed happy, except when I left. She didn't want me to leave. That was hard.
Why do I have to work today? I don't have anything to do. And if I have any questions, no one is around to answer them because they're all playing ping pong and pool and nerf wars and DDR and Cranium etc. And eating fun snacks. This really sucks.
I'm an introvert, but I miss people. I'm tired of seeing just my family. We went out for dinner maybe two weeks ago when I was feeling trapped and sad. And it didn't really help, even though I tried to convince myself that it did. But the food wasn't that great, which T was rather vocal about afterwards, and the only other couple at the restaurant was on the other side of the wall, so it was basically just like being by ourselves, and it was expensive - more expensive than we thought it would be, which T also complained about.
I want to go dancing or to the game shop. We've gone dancing once since we've been here, and the studio SUCKED. It was a hugely disappointing experience. We have some other prospects, but we haven't been yet. And T and the girls went to the game shop once while I was at work, but I haven't been at all. I was fine with them going by themselves, but that was when I thought I would get to go later. I keep asking to do these things, but they haven't happened yet. Something always comes up. Like problems with the house or somebody getting sick or T just feeling sad. I'm angry about this. I didn't realize how angry until I started typing about it. I feel trapped in this house and I want to get out. And I don't want to get out to go somewhere like the grocery store and I don't want to get out to spend time with just the people I'm with all the time anyway and I don't want to get out just to have T complain about it afterwards. I'm taking SL and Baby S to a 4th of July thing with my mom on Friday. Friday can't come too soon.
But how am I going to get through today?
This morning, I woke at 7:30 when my alarm went off but then fell back asleep until 9:15, so I'm late to work. I had to wake T to take care of Baby S. Whiel I was still getting ready, he called out SL to lecture her on staying up too late. Sounds like it's going to be a fun day upstairs. I hate hearing them fight while I'm at work.
Yesterday was company lunch - outdoors BBQ - with a dunking booth. Sounded like fun. And today is game day. And I'm here in my basement with moths and spiderwebs and unhappy voices upstairs. I hate to say it, but I miss Mississippi today.
My stomach still hurts, too. Last week I had a ruptured cyst and a WHOLE lot of pain, so I went to the ER, where they gave me pain meds. The meds helped with the pain, but they also gave me constipation, which I didn't recognize was causing more pain, so I kept taking meds for pain which were causing pain. I'm getting better now, but my stomach still hurts. And I'm tired. I want to go upstairs and go back to bed and send everyone else away. Except Baby S. She seemed happy, except when I left. She didn't want me to leave. That was hard.
Why do I have to work today? I don't have anything to do. And if I have any questions, no one is around to answer them because they're all playing ping pong and pool and nerf wars and DDR and Cranium etc. And eating fun snacks. This really sucks.
I'm an introvert, but I miss people. I'm tired of seeing just my family. We went out for dinner maybe two weeks ago when I was feeling trapped and sad. And it didn't really help, even though I tried to convince myself that it did. But the food wasn't that great, which T was rather vocal about afterwards, and the only other couple at the restaurant was on the other side of the wall, so it was basically just like being by ourselves, and it was expensive - more expensive than we thought it would be, which T also complained about.
I want to go dancing or to the game shop. We've gone dancing once since we've been here, and the studio SUCKED. It was a hugely disappointing experience. We have some other prospects, but we haven't been yet. And T and the girls went to the game shop once while I was at work, but I haven't been at all. I was fine with them going by themselves, but that was when I thought I would get to go later. I keep asking to do these things, but they haven't happened yet. Something always comes up. Like problems with the house or somebody getting sick or T just feeling sad. I'm angry about this. I didn't realize how angry until I started typing about it. I feel trapped in this house and I want to get out. And I don't want to get out to go somewhere like the grocery store and I don't want to get out to spend time with just the people I'm with all the time anyway and I don't want to get out just to have T complain about it afterwards. I'm taking SL and Baby S to a 4th of July thing with my mom on Friday. Friday can't come too soon.
But how am I going to get through today?
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