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In order to get off the pain killers, I have been practicing disassociation from my physical self. The art of going somewhere else without leaving. I can get to the place where the pain is very far off in the distance. If I could control my emotions I could stay there longer.
I am off in the Oregon woods, dancing through a field of flowers. The smell of the ocean mingling with the forest trees. It is warm, but not hot, and I am young, I am always young. All of my senses are alive with the sights, sounds and smells of my vision. The feel of the warm air against my skin. The freedom of dancing barefoot in the woods. Stopping to eat some wild blackberries and suck on some fresh mint leaves. My dog is always with me. My Granny lives near Coos Bay. If I pick a lot of blackberries, and don't eat them all, she will make me a cobbler.
My emotions start to creep in now and I am sad. I am sad because I live in a desert. A desert that can be very hot or very cold. So far from the ocean; why would anyone want to live here? No wild blackberries, strawberries, roses or mint. Going barefoot is treacherous and the sun is relentless. It can be 20 degrees and the sun is blinding. My Granny is gone, my dog is dead and I am no longer young.
I try to get back into the young girl dancing in the forest. I can hear angry growling, I start humming to drown it out. I catch glimpses of movement in the tree line and I know it is the wolf. The image of Benicio del Toro's The Wolf man comes in my mind. My peaceful world is shattered.
I believe if I can come to love where I am at right now; in my 46th year, living in the high mountain desert and have a more grateful heart for the gifts I have been given I could stay longer in that Oregon forest.
I am off in the Oregon woods, dancing through a field of flowers. The smell of the ocean mingling with the forest trees. It is warm, but not hot, and I am young, I am always young. All of my senses are alive with the sights, sounds and smells of my vision. The feel of the warm air against my skin. The freedom of dancing barefoot in the woods. Stopping to eat some wild blackberries and suck on some fresh mint leaves. My dog is always with me. My Granny lives near Coos Bay. If I pick a lot of blackberries, and don't eat them all, she will make me a cobbler.
My emotions start to creep in now and I am sad. I am sad because I live in a desert. A desert that can be very hot or very cold. So far from the ocean; why would anyone want to live here? No wild blackberries, strawberries, roses or mint. Going barefoot is treacherous and the sun is relentless. It can be 20 degrees and the sun is blinding. My Granny is gone, my dog is dead and I am no longer young.
I try to get back into the young girl dancing in the forest. I can hear angry growling, I start humming to drown it out. I catch glimpses of movement in the tree line and I know it is the wolf. The image of Benicio del Toro's The Wolf man comes in my mind. My peaceful world is shattered.
I believe if I can come to love where I am at right now; in my 46th year, living in the high mountain desert and have a more grateful heart for the gifts I have been given I could stay longer in that Oregon forest.
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