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In order to get off the pain killers, I have been practicing disassociation from my physical self. The art of going somewhere else without leaving. I can get to the place where the pain is very far off in the distance. If I could control my emotions I could stay there longer.
I am off in the Oregon woods, dancing through a field of flowers. The smell of the ocean mingling with the forest trees. It is warm, but not hot, and I am young, I am always young. All of my senses are alive with the sights, sounds and smells of my vision. The feel of the warm air against my skin. The freedom of dancing barefoot in the woods. Stopping to eat some wild blackberries and suck on some fresh mint leaves. My dog is always with me. My Granny lives near Coos Bay. If I pick a lot of blackberries, and don't eat them all, she will make me a cobbler.
My emotions start to creep in now and I am sad. I am sad because I live in a desert. A desert that can be very hot or very cold. So far from the ocean; why would anyone want to live here? No wild blackberries, strawberries, roses or mint. Going barefoot is treacherous and the sun is relentless. It can be 20 degrees and the sun is blinding. My Granny is gone, my dog is dead and I am no longer young.
I try to get back into the young girl dancing in the forest. I can hear angry growling, I start humming to drown it out. I catch glimpses of movement in the tree line and I know it is the wolf. The image of Benicio del Toro's The Wolf man comes in my mind. My peaceful world is shattered.
I believe if I can come to love where I am at right now; in my 46th year, living in the high mountain desert and have a more grateful heart for the gifts I have been given I could stay longer in that Oregon forest.
I am off in the Oregon woods, dancing through a field of flowers. The smell of the ocean mingling with the forest trees. It is warm, but not hot, and I am young, I am always young. All of my senses are alive with the sights, sounds and smells of my vision. The feel of the warm air against my skin. The freedom of dancing barefoot in the woods. Stopping to eat some wild blackberries and suck on some fresh mint leaves. My dog is always with me. My Granny lives near Coos Bay. If I pick a lot of blackberries, and don't eat them all, she will make me a cobbler.
My emotions start to creep in now and I am sad. I am sad because I live in a desert. A desert that can be very hot or very cold. So far from the ocean; why would anyone want to live here? No wild blackberries, strawberries, roses or mint. Going barefoot is treacherous and the sun is relentless. It can be 20 degrees and the sun is blinding. My Granny is gone, my dog is dead and I am no longer young.
I try to get back into the young girl dancing in the forest. I can hear angry growling, I start humming to drown it out. I catch glimpses of movement in the tree line and I know it is the wolf. The image of Benicio del Toro's The Wolf man comes in my mind. My peaceful world is shattered.
I believe if I can come to love where I am at right now; in my 46th year, living in the high mountain desert and have a more grateful heart for the gifts I have been given I could stay longer in that Oregon forest.
Replies
Beautiful. Such description. Thankyou. I went to the Oregon forest too, the smells are amazing, the dampness and yet warm, I have had a few almost mystical nature experiences and yours was particularly vivid. Lived for one summer in the Australian desert, firstly coober pedy, arguably the hottest place in oz, for five day in a row it was 47 degrees but as you k ow, the ground temp is even higher. The sun was like being punched in the face, fully punched by a massive fist. I left for that place when left my husband, could not think of an more apt place to match my emotions. Then moved on to Alice springs for the rest of summer and early autumn, not that there is an autumn, guess that is what you mean by long summers and winters, no spring or autumn. There are a lot of original Australians, indigenous tribes up north and across the many deserts, they oft live in such horrendous conditions. I kicked a football a lot and sat on the lawn selling art work with the women and watched a lot of violence and drunkenness and desperation. Was quite an experience, five years ago.
Milka and Joe are my best friends parents. Milka is the mum and is 71 yes old, Joe her husband a couple years older and the most volatile of relationships you will never see. Thank goodness I wasn\'t around when my friend Stella, her sisters and brothers had a childhood together, mouch drinking, fighting etc. Abuse, like my own childhood in a way. But now they are a fun old couple, still fighting compteting, silent treatments and sulking but nearly. 50 years together. We drink. Mediate is my purpose, I drink one each of their beers. They have separate fridges, pots, pans and take it in turns in the kitchen, a real iron chef battle to impress the girls and me with their yummy food. I just laugh now and say you can just ask me over for a drink, don\'t need the food as bribery like her daughters, I am the drinking partner. Salma is a pickled cabbage stuffed with pork and ricew and spices. Mmmm and beer. But I have to limit it these days. Even two is too many I think. Love t
I too have a special meditation place that I like to go to - they are wonderful escapes aren\'t they.
I do know that when you come back to real life it can be a downer but when I feel that at all I stop myself & refocus on any and/or all even little good things in life & it helps to turn things around.
As far as a wolf or any related nastys, I know someone personally that sort of turned things around by stopping & reminding herself that whatever is \"out there\" is truly not real hence it can\'t exist & focusing on that helps to send it away. It does take practice though but you know the fact that you are so in tune with it all is a huge step in the very right direction.
I was drawn so into your world. It is a wonderful escape. I have yet to travel beyound seeing total darkness, turning to light before I return to the here and now.
Really a wonderful experience for you.
I\'ve been to forests like that myself as you know. So that really drew me in. Thinking of my Grams on a hill in Elma Washington. I really miss rhododendrons and azaleas. Thanks for that. Remember, I too live in the (semi)high desert. I have found things to love here. The smell of a desert rain is calming in and of itself. The neighbors are wonderful and at a distance. The stars shine more brightly than I ever thought possible.
I, too, have had to learn the art of disassociation but have been having a hard time with it as of late. Thanks for the visit in the woods, don\'t be surprised if you look up and see a young brunette girl.. guarding over you with a crossbow to keep that wolf at bay. ;-)