untiled

I used to live in Providence, RI. Moved there from a smaller town, Smithfield, when I was 19 years old. Except for one year, living with my parents in Belmont, Maine, I lived in Providence for the better part of 30 years.  For the six years before I moved to Maine, I lived in the Mount Pleasant area of Providence, in a 3 family house, that I owned, a few minutes from my mother, who lives in North Providence. My younger daughter occupied the 2nd floor, and after my older daughter moved out of the 3rd floor, my brother took over residence there.  My younger daughter now has 5 children. Only 2 of them live with her, 2 year old Matthew and 4 month old Jeremy. Her older son, now 10, was put up for adoption by the state of Rhode Island and was adopted by his foster family. Her older daughter, now 9, was put up for adoption by the state of RI and was adopted by me. Her younger daughter was sent to live with her father in Colorado. During the 6 years I owned the house in Providence, I had nothing but ill luck.  * My grandson had a relapse in his leukemia and had to have a second bone marrow transplant.* My daughter left for Minnesota with my grandson, leaving behind a friend in her apartment, who robbed her before leaving (not that she had much to be robbed of).* Some kids from another neighborhood, angry with my drug-addict neighbor's son, battered down the brand new garage doors, causing thousands in repairs.* My older daughter's roommate and she had an argument, and she spent a few days with me in my apartment, where she killed herself.* I got involved with a younger man, both useless and untrustworthy.* My uncle died.* A sewer pike burst in my basement, causing thousands in repairs.* My insurance company dropped me.* My useless boyfriend built a deck while I was at work, without benefit of a building permit, and I spent 18 months, in and out of housing court, and ten thousand dollars, to rectify.* My brother killed himself.* I got into a fine pickle at work - due to a misunderstanding with my boss, and sufferred months of YUCK.* My father died.* In an attempt to realize a lifelong dream, I opened a candle shop in the Arcade with the useless boyfriend, who ran it into the ground, costing me tens of thousands of dollars.* I lost my job of 13.5 years when the bank was purchased by a larger bank and my entire division was ousourced.* I spent a very depressing year trying to find another job.* I was forced to cash in my pension and my 401k to survive.* When I finally found a new job, which paid almost as well as the one I had loved and lost, I was near the point of bankruptsy and had come to the conclusion that the useless boyfriend, who had driven me there, and my daughter, who was 3 1/2 years behind on her rent and had helped drive, had to go.* I decided that the only thing I could do was sell my house and start over.* I realized that it would be impossible for me to buy another house, as the market was so overinflated that I would be paying as much for a single family as I was paying for the three family, but completely by myself.* I researched housing elsewhere, and realized that it would only be affordable to me if I relocated.* I chose the farmhouse in Maine. When I moved to Maine, I had high hopes. Those hopes are gone now. Besides being depressed, which has been a normal response to stress for me for decades, I have limited resourses left, which are dryng up fast.  Not only am I now in an extremely depressed area of Maine, but I am surrounded by Baptists who do not accept me, as I am not one of them. I've got no friends, and my family (with the notable exception of my brother) are hours away.  In all my adult life, I've never found it so difficult to manage as I do here. I am in dispair. I feel certain that I am going to fail to make it here, and have nowhere to go where I will not become dependent on someone else for support. And there is no one, but my mother, and I would rather not burden her with my presence.