Unpredictability
It is late and I cant sleep. I am lying here waiting for this melatonin to kick in. Drs appt tommorow. I hate unpredictability. My Potential RV partner is also proving to be unpredictable. Its one of the reasons why I couldnt get close to him before Roomie and I got together. I can be unpredictable too as I fly by the seat myself. 2 unpredictable people sounds like a combo for disaster. Roomie is very predictable. 1 unpredictable person plus a very predictable person also equals 1 person being terribly unhappy. I havent quite got the recipe right.
I dont know where i got this advetourous side or is it that i just thrive in chaos?? Still trying to figure that one out.
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Inside my strictly personal skin, my adventurous spirit and my chaos addiction are running buddies. One feeds the other generously at my psycho smorgasbord. To this day, it isnae easy to tell the two apart. My sense of adventure feels worth nurturing. It nurtures my passion and I earnestly believe humans are designed for the passion adventure and exploration engender in me. They help me live out loud. The chaos addiction is pure psychosis born in my unstable childhood and worth remediating. So I believe. Proof irrelevant.
My primary tool for distinguishing between the two was a gift from a name-forgotten college counselor who caught me bouncing off walls on the verge of hysterical flight in January, 1977 in my first months of college. I call the exercise, "Running To or Running From." In that particular episode, she helped me through the semester, then added, "Sometimes running from is the best option." She is the therapist who guided me toward the then psycho fashionable "Therapy Funeral" I held on my way to the college counselor 1800 miles from my birth family who guided me through the after steps of that Therapy Funeral by which I accepted that I was on my own for finding any healing hopes in my life.
For what it's worth:
I was also in psychotherapy for hyper-sexuality. Part of that therapy called for a study on the diffs between a "friend" and a fuck buddy. The fuck buddies who were my equals in adventurous spirit sure did leave me in allot of vicious road dilemmas. "Romantic" disputes are especially ugly on the road, especially in places where you don't speak the local language. My European tour was a hard lesson series on the dangers of trusting fuck buddies.
Just sharing my own strictly personals. . .
Continued support while you sort your own.
The RV friend and I met 2 years ago. Weve been on and off ever since due to me pushing him away as I know its not right because ive been trying to make things work with Roomie. But...New Years Day this year I went to see this friend. When Im with him I dont think of anything else and actually feel happy. For me, Im still figuring out what to do and still leaning toward getting a place of my own. I dont want to jump out of 1 thing and into another. But first...getting through Drs appt today.
For what it’s worth, I feel like finding a way to be self reliant is a really important. Otherwise you kind of hand over control to others who may have their own agenda, or who misunderstand the relationship, intentions, etc.
I’m married but I married later in life and so spent many years on my own. It’s liberating and empowering to not be reliant on someone else. Financial, psychological and/or emotional dependence is like a self imposed jail. I lived in a crappy studio apartment for a time when I didn’t have money. Having my own space made up for the financial struggle.
At a certain point I also think some male friendships confuse and cloud matters for everyone involved. So if I were in your shoes I’d be wary of offers like this RV thing.
Hope your appointment goes well.
Yes I agree. When I got divorced after a 24 year marriage, I was terrified of being alone for the first time in my life, but after facing my fears,..... 5 years later, I am happier now then I have ever been.