unloved.........

the mom of that family that i babysit for texted me last night at 11:20 and i was asleep....she said her mom was in the hospital and that she wondered if i could babysit, but she didn't know what time.....i said i couldn't because i have school stuff going on.....she asked for another girl's number that i work with......i gave her the girl's cell number, but now i feel so unloved......i feel like i don't matter....i know that that's an irrational thought....i know i am loved by my family and friends, but...i don't know....i don't like this feeling...i wanna cry.....and then i was making my lunch today and i was opening a box of granola bars.....i reached in to get one and when i pulled my hand out of the box i cut my wrist....it doesn't look bad.....like there's a scrape.....it felt so good and i wanna keep cutting......but i can't.....guess i'll dig my nail into my arm.....i'll feel better after i do it.....just another crappy day....