unhappy

Well I'm journaling tonight because for the past year or year and a half i'm kidding myself. IM NOT HAPPY WITH MY MAN AT ALL!!! It will disturb everyone world if we break up.  We live together almost 3 years.  My mom has alzheimers and his son is going to be 16 and us with 2 dogs.  the only joy I have right now is my dogs and always planning in my head vacations.  He's a know it all, done it all guy.  Because I said something once, well then everytime an occurance thats similiar hes like repeats what I said the one time.  I'm like you don't know me.  He truely doesnt. Hes an alcoholic, druggie, bipolar pstd fucker that always is getting on my nerves and I feel good punching him. thats truely not right.  there is no love, more hate. he calls me a liar all the time because i have different feelings about differerent things all the time.  Im not a sterotype buddy i'm me and im always changing.  right now its like we are roomates.  he easily dismisses me and that really pisses me off.  he doesnt know how to have a relationship.  he always in the garage and im always in the house when im not working. thank god for my overnight job or i might of killed him already.  If i dont see him im in a happy mood. doesnt that tell you something. Ive been telling him i hate him alot too. he doesnt take care of himself im always asking about if he takes his meds and checks his sugar.  Im like im not the dumbass that drank my pancreas to death now you have to inject yourself with insulin everyday you fucker!!!!!! I probably can predict he will kill himself accidently because he doesnt take care of himself. then I will need all my friends on the grief site again.  well ill try to make my own sunshine like i did before.  I still love my hobbies of singing and dancing. thanks for listening while i vent