Unforgiveness
I'm 54, not a young woman. I don't mind when people tell me that I'm not young, that I'm a senior citizen. I am. It's a fact. So imagine my horror at what just happened.
The other day I took some clothes to the cleaners for my father. He'd placed them in a bag so I hadn't seen them until I got to the cleaners and the woman took them out of the bag. Imagine my shock when I saw the condition of these shirts--built in dirt and stains. Extremely dirty. And the poor woman who had to touch them recoiled and so did I. I was extremely embarrassed as it looked like they could be mine. Call it widows brain, but I told her quickly they were not mine. And she just as quickly said, they belong to an old man. Neither of us were really thinking about what we were saying. I've been there before. She's a nice and respectful woman.
So I was horrified, and angry. I've been providing for my father financially to the point that I can barely pay my rent. I've had to cut cable, groceries, etc, just to support two houses. I'd told him I could wash his things. I can't afford dry cleaning for my stuff and do it all the time. He said no, he'd always dry cleaned his stuff and had no intentions of stopping. I went alone with it because I'm stupid and still have widows brain. But now, seeing the stuff, I saw red. The shirts were even cheap, costing no more than twenty-dollars. I'd just payed for his medication and food as he doesn't have enough to pay it himself.
When I got back to his place, I figured the best way to stop this from happening, and to prevent me from losing my apartment from my lack of money was to shame him. Widows brain to be sure. I told him I could have washed them and what the woman said. I figure this would work. When I told him he didn't say a word about it. We talked about all sorts of things and had a good day. Four days later it all hit the fan.
He told me he intended to report it.
I immediatelyl told him that it had been a misunderstanding, that I didn't have my hearing aides in and she didn't say it. He didn't believe me. I reminded him that he's a preacher who always preaches forgivness. I told him the woman could lose her job because of this.
STill, he said he intends to report it.
I continued arguing for the woman, begging him not to do it. He hung up on me.
How stupid of me. How cruel of him.
Of course the woman will not lose her job. But for me to stop this, I will have to lie. Imagine this. I've spent all my life telling the truth. I was a goody-two shoes all my life, but twice I've had to lie because of my father. I'm buying a ticket to hell.
In order to save this woman's job, I plan to go to the cleaners and tell the management what is about to happen. I'll say that the woman never said it. That somehow my father got it into his 83 year old head to come up with this on his own.
In the future, I've got to get rid of the widow's brain and go back to the woman I used to be. I don't have time for the mourning stuff anymore. What I did was stupid and pointless and it wouldn't have happened in the past. I've got to get up off my butt and get back to the living. Other people live in this world besides me, so I say to heck with mourning and on with life.
It will hurt, but I may even have to leave the widows group in order to move on. Just a thought now.
The other day I took some clothes to the cleaners for my father. He'd placed them in a bag so I hadn't seen them until I got to the cleaners and the woman took them out of the bag. Imagine my shock when I saw the condition of these shirts--built in dirt and stains. Extremely dirty. And the poor woman who had to touch them recoiled and so did I. I was extremely embarrassed as it looked like they could be mine. Call it widows brain, but I told her quickly they were not mine. And she just as quickly said, they belong to an old man. Neither of us were really thinking about what we were saying. I've been there before. She's a nice and respectful woman.
So I was horrified, and angry. I've been providing for my father financially to the point that I can barely pay my rent. I've had to cut cable, groceries, etc, just to support two houses. I'd told him I could wash his things. I can't afford dry cleaning for my stuff and do it all the time. He said no, he'd always dry cleaned his stuff and had no intentions of stopping. I went alone with it because I'm stupid and still have widows brain. But now, seeing the stuff, I saw red. The shirts were even cheap, costing no more than twenty-dollars. I'd just payed for his medication and food as he doesn't have enough to pay it himself.
When I got back to his place, I figured the best way to stop this from happening, and to prevent me from losing my apartment from my lack of money was to shame him. Widows brain to be sure. I told him I could have washed them and what the woman said. I figure this would work. When I told him he didn't say a word about it. We talked about all sorts of things and had a good day. Four days later it all hit the fan.
He told me he intended to report it.
I immediatelyl told him that it had been a misunderstanding, that I didn't have my hearing aides in and she didn't say it. He didn't believe me. I reminded him that he's a preacher who always preaches forgivness. I told him the woman could lose her job because of this.
STill, he said he intends to report it.
I continued arguing for the woman, begging him not to do it. He hung up on me.
How stupid of me. How cruel of him.
Of course the woman will not lose her job. But for me to stop this, I will have to lie. Imagine this. I've spent all my life telling the truth. I was a goody-two shoes all my life, but twice I've had to lie because of my father. I'm buying a ticket to hell.
In order to save this woman's job, I plan to go to the cleaners and tell the management what is about to happen. I'll say that the woman never said it. That somehow my father got it into his 83 year old head to come up with this on his own.
In the future, I've got to get rid of the widow's brain and go back to the woman I used to be. I don't have time for the mourning stuff anymore. What I did was stupid and pointless and it wouldn't have happened in the past. I've got to get up off my butt and get back to the living. Other people live in this world besides me, so I say to heck with mourning and on with life.
It will hurt, but I may even have to leave the widows group in order to move on. Just a thought now.
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