Unexpectedly Expecting

About a month ago I decided I wanted to get in shape and live a healther lifestyle. I've been overweight most of my life, and I finally worked up the motivation to take it seriously enough to make a change. So, I was waking up early to fit workouts in, I was logging all of my food, counting calories, and making healthy food choices. I lost almost 10 pounds in the first month, and I was ecstatic! I tried my first spin class, and oh my GOD!, it was so hard! But so rewarding. I had a couple of reasons for wanting to get in shape. One reason, my petty reason, is that I wanted people to think my husband had a hot wife - ha! But I also wanted to lose weight so that I could be in a healthier position when we decided to have children. I don't want to be the fat pregnant lady, the one who you have to struggle to figure out if she's pregnant or if she's just fat. I guess this is also a petty reason, but whatevs. We were planning to try for a baby in the next year or so. We wanted to wait until I had graduated from schoo, secured a job, and gotten to a weight that I was comfortable with.

In that whole month I had only taken 2 days off from workouts (due to injury). My husband and I went on vacation last week to visit friends in Chicago. I was nervous about whether or not I would have the dedication to stick with my meal and fitness plans while on vacation. But then I found out that my membership at the YMCA offers nationwide reciprocity, so I was able to go to the facility near our friends' house in Chicago, so that was great! I planned on staying on track with my food choices for the most part, while still allowing myself to enjoy my vacation, and then I had the YMCA at my disposal.

In the midst of my plans and our vacation, I also noticed that my menstrual cycle was late. I was due to start on Thursday (a day before we left for our trip), but one or two days late isn't cause for concern, usually. I tend to panic if I'm ever a day or two late because I can usually tell time by my cycle, so when I'm late, I stress myself out about it. When I was three days late, I told myself it was normal, and that I was late because I was stressing myself out about it. But then I was five days late. Again, this may not be a long time for some people, but it feels like an eternity for me. The only other time I have been five days late was when I was planning my wedding (what a nightmare that was!). So, I told my husband that at five days we were going to buy a test just so that I could have a definite answer. So we bought the test. I took the test, in train station bathroom in Chicago. It was positive.

IT WAS POSITIVE. What?!

Any other time that I've panicked myself when I was late, and taken a test, it has always been negative. I thought for sure this test was going to be negative too. I kept telling myself that I was overreacting, that I would start any day, and the test would be negative. Nope. So the first thing I did was cry. I was in shock. I didn't know what to think, what to do, what my next steps were supposed to be.

Obviously my husband and I want kids, so we're not exactly mad about it, but man was this a surprise. All the hard work I've put into my weightloss and meal plan has to be changed now. I spent all last week googling everything I could think of. I'm freaking out about telling my family (mom won't handle it well), and I'm super nervous about everything that could go wrong along the way (miscarriage, etc.). I want to be excited about it, but I also don't want to be excited if it's not going to be a viable pregnancy. But, I decided last week that I was going to stop worrying about everything that can go wrong. Instead, I'm going to allow myself to be excited, and if it turns out not to be viable, then it just wasn't meant to be at this time.

I go to my first OB appointment tomorrow, and I'm excited. I should have more answers tomorrow, hopefully. I'm still cautious about the future, but I'm excited. I'm also nervous about all the changes to come. Updates soon!