unexpected visit to clinic

Spent yesterday at the ER at Lahey Burlington with some unexpected post-op bleeding.  Felt bad for my husband; it is a 4 hour round trip drive.  I didn't want to go to the local Cape Cod ER on a holiday weekend. Good news is that all is normal --- bleeding is related to the hystorectomy and all is ok there.  Bad news is that I just broke down sitting in the examing room by myself waiting for the blood work results.  At that moment I felt like I had absolutely no control over my life. Much of this, I'm sure, is just related to my fears re: the upcoming chemo.  I realize this is what many on this site have written about, but the feeling just overwhelmed me for about an hour. So much has happened so fast since my diagnosis mid-April that I think I have not emotionally processed everything.   I feel like such a coward.   Today I will strive to focus on the positive, and pray that my self-centered fears are replaced by God-centered faith.