Undo It

Popular Carrie Underwood song for the title, although I'm not writing as some scorned lover. Sometimes things just get overwhelming, like today for instance. There's a part of me - probably a lot bigger than I'd like to admit - that wishes I could just hit a reset button on my whole life. You get to a stage where more than 1/4 of your life is gone and you don't see the point in just starting anew from that point on. You want to just have a redo. 
I hate that I say that because I know without my existence all of my cats would have had pretty crappy lives compared to what they've got. I know it's selfish of me, but I even wish I hadn't gotten attached to animals - that I didn't care and hurt from all the bs animals have to go through. Like that somehow made me softer as a human being. Because if I was that other person I would be selfish and I would have set out to do the things that I want.
Want... That's a strong word. So often I think of what everyone else wants of me. From what I should do with my life to who I should date. 
I don't know anymore. This all started last night around 3am... I hadn't gone to sleep and I don't even know how it came about but I just felt this intense depression because I'm 28 and I haven't written a novel and it looks like I never will since I can never seem to get the writing momentum going. I have no boyfriend, no friends even. I'm useless to a T, and I'm letting my whole family down with my "mental problems". And I'm just.. sick of me. I am so sick of being stuck with myself, that I just want to cut that part of me away. I'm sick of the depression, of fighting, of not knowing what day I"m going to have or what will trigger me into another episode. I'm just sick of it all. 
So that's where I'm at the moment... And with a wifi that will only work 10% of the time leaving me with myself the other 90% it's really doing my head in.