Understanding and connecting........
As is usually the case when I sit down with a blank piece of paper or a blank computer screen, words seem to be hard to come by; especially when it is something new like now. This is odd for me because once I get into a letter, blog entry, journal entry, etc., where I am dealing with something that is important to me, my thoughts usually come in a flood and the words connected with them come very easily. This site is a nice surprise for me. A friend suggested I look in on it several months ago, but I had the impression that folks logged on to have a "pity party." How wrong I was!! Since surfing through the site I have found caring people and I've learned more about several medical issues that are important to me. I have always been a private person even though on the outside I seem comfortable being "out there," so it is odd that in the last little while I have found myself journaling in cyberspace of all places! How much more exposed is it possible to be!?!I guess I'll start here with a personal experience. Because I was on the receiving end it helped me to feel that I'm not alone, but mainly gave me insight into others who are, and have been, where I am now......and, most importantly, what they need and how to go about meeting that need. I have always felt compassion for others who are grieving, but even though I thought I understood it, I am only now REALLY understanding it. I guess you have to have your heart ripped out, because of the loss of the other half of yourself, before it's possible to truly understand! I heard from a friend recently about sensing caring people's feelings without hearing their words. This struck a nerve with me. One very simple example occurred just after Dickie went away. I was in a store waiting to check out and a business acquaintance who has known both of us well for years walked by and nodded "hello" as she headed for the front door; there was a nod, but neither of us said a word. I guess the uncomfortableness of expressing concern for my loss was too hard for her. I somehow knew what she was thinking, but didn't say. It was awkward for me, too. She didn't want to open my wound and I really didn't want her to; but, at the same time, I did want people to remember how Dick touched others and made their lives better. .....after she passed me and started to go through the door, I realized that she had turned and was heading back toward me. She hugged me (even though we have never really been close) and even though there wasn't a word spoken......the heart-to-heart connection said everything that needed to be said. She was with me in my grief. I have many memories of friends, relatives, neighbors and work associates who were so very, very kind (and vocal) and they will always be special to me because of their support....and that they also remembered the extra-special person that Dickie has always been. Both ways of communicating got through and meant the world to me. It wasn't until this happened that I realized that some folks understand that heart-to-heart feelings really do "get through" and are so needed....and in some cases maybe even moreso than words! It is hard and uncomfortable for us to express our support for those who have lost important people or are dealing with difficult situations in their lives. This experience was not only comforting.....it taught me a valuable lesson for living!
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