Understanding
Sigh. Fight with youngest son last night. He is angry because we are being nice to his girlfriend.
Girlfriend has been "friend" for 6 years now. Officially became girlfriend yesterday. Been problems with her. She told a lot of lies and tall tales and he got upset with her and she wasn't a friend for a while, then last year she accused her dad of abusing her. Friends with the dad too so really awkward and with her history of lying didn't really believe her. But she has stuck to her story for 9 months, police came in, dad lost custody and there is a restraining order against him. Over time the total disbelief turned into "you just don't know what people do when no one else is around" and although not total faith in her, a very solid doubt that her dad is telling the truth.
Well through it all Joey kept talking to her and got to a point he believed her. When her mom won the court case 6 months ago I said that was good enough proof for me and stopped questioning her honesty out loud, But did not see the girl or talk to the girl or really talk much about the girl as Joey had said he would not discuss his feelings for her.
Then suddenly he asked to see her. I say yes and take him, then arrange for her to come visit us up here when he says he wants to see her more. I talk to her a bit on Facebook, meet and talk to her mom, and now he is mad at me.
Why? Because I am being nice to her. He seems to find it two faced that I am now expressing a welcoming attitude and a happy face that he is dating her. Says he doesn't know what I really think of her and I shouldn't change my opinion or be so nice about her just cause he likes her.
He is my child and although I still have some doubt in my mind about her truthfulness and fear that she will hurt him, I used to really like this girl. She however was only a part of my life when her father was around so when she was taken away from him she disappeared from my life and yes I did question her honestly outloud several times, but have been stopped for a long time now.
Don't know what he wants from me. He says I am only liking her because he is. Tried to explain to him that to some extent that is how it works as I want to like my son's girls and my happiness is tied to theirs, but he sees it as lies. Says I have to express my true feelings and not just suddenly like the girl cause he does. But that is how I feel about my boys, if they like a girl so do I. I love them, if they love a girl then I do too. He says that is so wrong. I just don't see how. He says it is fake. Well does he want me to hate her and call her nasty names... He is also upset as his brother is being nice. Brother hates the girl. Well yes I talked to him and told him he had to play nice when she is around, not like her, but be polite in public for his brother's sake. He said ok and is being publicly positive about the relationship.
Of course youngest son mad as it is a lie...well yes it is...but it is also called minding your manners and respecting other people's feelings. Youngest says nope lies and should be honest about your feelings. Ok then middle son would be horrible to the girl. Youngest says then he wouldn't have her at the house when middle son is there. I said no this is my house and all welcome and while in it all must get along with anyone my family wants to come. Again he says this is a lie.
Geez don't know where to go with this. I did finally get through to him that some of my attitude towards the girl has changed simply because I am happy for him and that as a mom some of my happiness comes from my children's happiness, he said that is wrong too and shouldn't be that way but admitted moms in general do seem to be like that. I also talked about him giving me the opportunity to get to know the girl again and give her a second chance and to develop a relationship with her and find out if I really like her for herself and not just for him. He said ok to that, but that I have to tell him if I don't really like her and that of course if that is what I decide he is leaving forever. (OMG like I would ever say I didn't after that comment and I don't care if I am lying)
Think we ended with more understanding on both sides, so a good conversation, but the teenage mind baffles me.
Girlfriend has been "friend" for 6 years now. Officially became girlfriend yesterday. Been problems with her. She told a lot of lies and tall tales and he got upset with her and she wasn't a friend for a while, then last year she accused her dad of abusing her. Friends with the dad too so really awkward and with her history of lying didn't really believe her. But she has stuck to her story for 9 months, police came in, dad lost custody and there is a restraining order against him. Over time the total disbelief turned into "you just don't know what people do when no one else is around" and although not total faith in her, a very solid doubt that her dad is telling the truth.
Well through it all Joey kept talking to her and got to a point he believed her. When her mom won the court case 6 months ago I said that was good enough proof for me and stopped questioning her honesty out loud, But did not see the girl or talk to the girl or really talk much about the girl as Joey had said he would not discuss his feelings for her.
Then suddenly he asked to see her. I say yes and take him, then arrange for her to come visit us up here when he says he wants to see her more. I talk to her a bit on Facebook, meet and talk to her mom, and now he is mad at me.
Why? Because I am being nice to her. He seems to find it two faced that I am now expressing a welcoming attitude and a happy face that he is dating her. Says he doesn't know what I really think of her and I shouldn't change my opinion or be so nice about her just cause he likes her.
He is my child and although I still have some doubt in my mind about her truthfulness and fear that she will hurt him, I used to really like this girl. She however was only a part of my life when her father was around so when she was taken away from him she disappeared from my life and yes I did question her honestly outloud several times, but have been stopped for a long time now.
Don't know what he wants from me. He says I am only liking her because he is. Tried to explain to him that to some extent that is how it works as I want to like my son's girls and my happiness is tied to theirs, but he sees it as lies. Says I have to express my true feelings and not just suddenly like the girl cause he does. But that is how I feel about my boys, if they like a girl so do I. I love them, if they love a girl then I do too. He says that is so wrong. I just don't see how. He says it is fake. Well does he want me to hate her and call her nasty names... He is also upset as his brother is being nice. Brother hates the girl. Well yes I talked to him and told him he had to play nice when she is around, not like her, but be polite in public for his brother's sake. He said ok and is being publicly positive about the relationship.
Of course youngest son mad as it is a lie...well yes it is...but it is also called minding your manners and respecting other people's feelings. Youngest says nope lies and should be honest about your feelings. Ok then middle son would be horrible to the girl. Youngest says then he wouldn't have her at the house when middle son is there. I said no this is my house and all welcome and while in it all must get along with anyone my family wants to come. Again he says this is a lie.
Geez don't know where to go with this. I did finally get through to him that some of my attitude towards the girl has changed simply because I am happy for him and that as a mom some of my happiness comes from my children's happiness, he said that is wrong too and shouldn't be that way but admitted moms in general do seem to be like that. I also talked about him giving me the opportunity to get to know the girl again and give her a second chance and to develop a relationship with her and find out if I really like her for herself and not just for him. He said ok to that, but that I have to tell him if I don't really like her and that of course if that is what I decide he is leaving forever. (OMG like I would ever say I didn't after that comment and I don't care if I am lying)
Think we ended with more understanding on both sides, so a good conversation, but the teenage mind baffles me.
Replies
yikes..kids! lol.....Well its hard to know what he wants.You would think he\'s be so happy that everyone\'s being nice to her...I try to be nice to my kids bf/gf husbands too.and especially in the beginning to give everyone a fresh start...i\'m glad he\'s talking about it all.maybe the conversation will lead to more conversations.your doing a great job with your kids!