uncertain

Feelings have been at a crossroad all day. I'm not too sure i really want to fight much for this anymore. It goes day to day. Saturday I was a basketcase bawling over this seperation and today being 2 days later i'm feeling like if he filed today i'd be ok. I try to weigh out the good and the bad and thinking  of how much he's changed since he started the job he's been at since 2006....our marriage was beautiful when we worked together and we were best friends. But since he went to his other job 5 years ago he found a new group of "friends" that at one time in our life he'd never be anything like. So it's almost like if he wants to loose the love of his life he's had for 15 years for these F@#kn douche bags he's only known for 4 years, then maybe he should......he can start fighting for me now....I think i've done it long enough and I've NEVER put anyone else before him. Has anyone else gone through the motions from one day to the next like i am?