Un Ano Mas Tarde......

Since my last entry, things are still going alright. There are a few things I want to get off my chest: 1) John (the boyfriend) and I have been rocky lately. I want him to tell me he loves me on his own or show me ways in which he loves me without me having to ask. He says that he loves me and that should be enough....but I think it's not when you never show it! Today is lease signing day....and that's been stressfull in and of itself because we're supposed to move into our new place this Saturday....ug. 2) John's brother's wife, Kristin, had her baby last night.....woo......NOT! I'm so jealous that it hurts....before she was pregnant, it was "when I'm pregnant this and that..." Then, of course, she got pregnant right when she wanted to and rubbed it in my face...."Now that I'm pregnant this and that..." THEN, she had her baby shower ON my birthday so I couldn't do anything....Of course I was forced to go....but guess how far along she was.....barely 4 months! AND she KNEW it was my birthday, and didn't thank me for giving up my birthday to come.....and I made the f***ing cake! Happily in the car, it melted on the way up.....So now she has had the baby, and even though I'm closer to his parents having spend a hell of a lot more time with them in one week than she ever has since she's known them, she'll be loved so much more......because she has the first grandchild. She's such a self-centered, spoiled wench who gets whatever she wants, when she wants it......and I don't understand why, when I'm such a good person, and am always trying to help people even when it hurts me....WHY I can't have ONE thing.....am I really that terrible? Am I really not worth being loved? So yeah, those are a few things that have been going on......I really wish that, at the very least, John would show me some affection on his own. He never socializes, barely goes out (except to hockey games), and when he does.....is not very fun to be around....I love him more than anybody, even I, could know.....but why do I put up with it? I don't think that being loved is too much to ask....and having it shown to you....  Of course, my mother pointed out the last time I saw her, that she was ready to plan a wedding.....Hell, I am too.....but John says that he doesn't think he ever wants to get married....and I don't think we ever will get married.....and that hurts....the only two things I want out of life are to get married (happily married), and have children....I'm working right now, so yeah, I guess you could say I have a career.....but I only want to do it until I have kids....which at this point...may never come.... Though, I am trying this new thing called "letting things go." I'm hoping that it'll help me be a happier person. I'd love some advice on how to do this if anyone has any....Anywho, I think that's all for now. Thanks for listening, everyone. Until Then, <3 Mia <3