ummmm

So tomorrow we go for our first mc session.  I am having a wide range of feelings about this.  While I have wanted this for long time, and I know we have crap to work on,, now that its here, I think I'm scared.
I know from my experience with assault victims counseling how things sometimes get worse before they get better.  That all that baggage is brought to the surface.  I worry about how we will weather the storm. 
Hell part of me even wonders if we'll walk in and counselor will take one listen to us and say something to the effect,"how did you stay together this long?? You two don't belong together"
How silly is that?  
I know that this first step is mc, and we are there because of H's A, but I also know I have lotta crap I need to work on myself, as does H, and figuring ic will be added to the calendar also.  I know that for the last 2 years I have been depressed and just barely managing to plod through the days( and apparently not as well as I thought) , and that while right now H and I are in the HB phase, and on kind of a 'high' , whenI crash, and depression sets in, I don't know if I'll be able to stay out of that deep dark hole.  I'm sure I prob need medication.  That scares me some after bad experience in college.  And for 20+ years been dealing (somewhat) without it.  So, here I sit thinking,, yes lets get this party started, go to counseling, prob get on meds,  and WORK..And then I think, are you crazy? You don't need meds, you need to just put on your big girl panties and DEAL. 
Ugh and all this rambling just confirms another prob I seem to have developed...I swear I can't make a rational decision about anything these days,, everything I'm second and third guessing myself...........ugh.