Ugly thoughts
It really bothers me that I can not get images of my husband and his affair out of my head. I will go on with my day and all of a sudden these ugly thoughts whether true or not start flashing in my mind. Its terrorizing. I try to control it but some days its sooooo overwhelming. When this happens and I feel overwhelmed I feel needy... I need to be with him, by his side.. kinda like pay attention to me... It's just soo crazy. I feel crazy!
I do not want this to consume my life but right now it's a huge problem. He's doing so good in working towards a more loving and respectable marriage I do not want to bring it up... I pray, I smell flowers, I write, work on sometime just veg on the couch... I hate talking about it because it doesn't make me feel any better and the more I learn the more I really become hurt, angry, frustrated, upset, worthless, useless just blah! I find nothing productive but I am bondage to my thoughts.. killer...
I figure this will happen for a while considering we are only in our 4th week of reconciliation..
Anyways, I will remain patient and hopefully these thoughts will dwindle away..
I do not want this to consume my life but right now it's a huge problem. He's doing so good in working towards a more loving and respectable marriage I do not want to bring it up... I pray, I smell flowers, I write, work on sometime just veg on the couch... I hate talking about it because it doesn't make me feel any better and the more I learn the more I really become hurt, angry, frustrated, upset, worthless, useless just blah! I find nothing productive but I am bondage to my thoughts.. killer...
I figure this will happen for a while considering we are only in our 4th week of reconciliation..
Anyways, I will remain patient and hopefully these thoughts will dwindle away..
Replies
I wish I had good advice for you. Unfortunately, our imaginations run overboard thinking about all the sordid details. I can tell you that over time, it does fade...but even now, although I rarely think about the -ex and the details of her escapades...I sometimes find myself sickeningly curious. The \"bright\" side, though, is that it doesn\'t come out of nowhere. It\'s usually a train of thought that I can head off, or that I allow because I think it can help me somehow. I know from people that did reconcile that although it made them angry/upset/emotional again, etc. - they said it helped them when their spouse answered their questions about the details. Unfortunately, it seems the cheater tends to forget a lot of details, and a lot tend to hold back the more damaging details because they are afraid their spouse won\'t accept them, or can\'t take them. If only they knew: our imaginations have made up details way worse than what they have actually done, and if they hold back, it comes off as more dishonesty.
One last thing: don\'t be afraid to bring it up. They are your feelings. He may not want to deal with it right now, but these feelings were brought on by his actions. He doesn\'t even have to talk about it. If you just tell him, \"I\'m not trying to make you feel guilty, I don\'t expect us to talk about this right now, I just need to get this out for a minute...\" Just a thought, but I feel like he needs to know (regardless of what he\'s going through, again, by his own choices) that this isn\'t something that you will just get over on your own and then it\'s all water under the bridge, everything back to normal. Remind him that you will get better, but you\'d prefer to have his help in the process.