UGLY HEART

 So, Olivia's new camera that he got her for Christmas was sitting around last night & me being me, couldn't help but take a look at the photos on it. He has been with HER for over a year now & even though I've seen her in person, I didn't actually SEE her through the anger & hatred. Well, got a good look last night. I know I am biased but I honestly did try to look past my feelings & see something... but no, she is BUTT UGLY!! No wonder when he was with me last Christmas, he kept telling me how pretty I am. He certainly downgraded! But, I am mature enough to know that right now, I am the ugly one on the inside. My heart is still so black with hurt & anger that I even wonder if anyone actually sees the real me underneath.... It makes me very sad to admit that & yes, I do want to change it.... somehow. I need & want to let go of it all but I can't get there... :(