ughhhh can it get any worse for me
can it really get any worse for me .... does god really just hate me to have to put me though all these things... and living with him makes it all the harder ... why doesnt he just take my heart out and step on it ??? ... he really has no idea how horrible i feel abotu the whole thing i jsut want my life back to the way it was ... and istead he keeps me around beacause he know that i will do anything for him .... when all he does it talk to his ex and all these other girls..... really like was i that horrible to him...i have since then tried to give him everything that i possibly could..... as i write this .... he sits there on the couch texting away totally oblibous to the fact that when i say i want to kill myself i really have tought about it..... he tells me tat he just wants space ...but really space???? .... or jsut an excuse to go find some one else .... have i mentioned thi to me before the abortion the breakupp..... and then they do this .... when do i get a turn t be happy??? ... when?! why does he hate me sooo much??? all i want to do is sleep .. sleep all this pain away ... i love him sooo much and would do anything for him but i guesss that isnt good enough sometimes well all the time ... i jsut want to be able to be happy . why is it he get to eb happy and i dont? .... why do i get to feel all this and he gets to be happy?!!! why ... why does he get to be happy and o dpnt ... i feel like i get all this advice just dont talk to him leave him and its like really?!?!! i fucken love him with all my heart i put my whole heart and soul into one person and i should have learned that thats not whta to do bt did i ever think it would come to this ofcousrse not i thought at 21 i was lucky to ave such a great life but apprently that was not that was not the case i was not good enough i just want to feel better ... i want him to feel like me! ... ahhhhh i just wnat ot die today is not a good day i miss my sissy but i cant see her .... i am the most horribe big sisy ever ... WHY DOESNT ANY ONE CARE ABOUT MMEEEE... WHY DOES HE WANT TO KEEP ME AROUND IF I AM SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON .. WHY!!!!
Replies
Honestly, guys are just as complicating as girls. Ive been through a similar situation. Me and my ex-fiance. We lived together, she did not like my friends and I thought all her guy friends were douche bags. So we never all hung out together. I was 5 years older than her so when she was 21 I was 26. I was done with my party stage, hers was just begining. Since she hung out with nothing but guys it made me feel uncomfortable. I did trust her though. Its when she would come strolling in at 4 or 8am drunk been out all night long. When i had a talk wih her about it I got the same reaction your getting, I just need space, then I thought she was cheating. There I thought the love of my life was sleeping around, a million thoughts race through your head. When her phone rings she always goes outside, never would talk in front of me and always sat on the couch texting. I felt horrible. Why me? Still engaged, just giving her , her \"space\", I found out she was cheating on me with one of those douche bags she hung out with. Then I started to question myself, Im I not good enough, Are my muscles not big enough, the sex or intamcy was non existant. I sat at home and cryed and finally came to the realization I can do better, I have lots to offer and Im a good looking man. I broke off the relationship moved out and moved on. Within months met my soulmate, been happily married for almost 3 years with one son. You have to not think die and think change, I know you love him but maybe his time with you is over. You have to be a strong women, pull it together, tell yourself your better than that and move on. Things will improve. Good luck! Msg me if you want to talk.
Josh