UGGGGH!!!!
I feel like I am a broken record playing the same song over and over again. Although I do have to say things are moving in the right direction now. Having my own nebulizer is really helping me out. The lung specialist I saw and am seeing is awesome and bound and determined to figure out what and why this is going on, to the point where if necessary he will flush out my lungs. Now that scares the daylights out of me since Jerred drown and this sounds that scary. He assured me and Tim that it is not like it sounds and not much solution is used. Also that is something for later he has other things to try once he gets all the blood tests he ordered back.
Now for some happier news. I recently remembered the New Years resolution I made a year ago, to always look for the positives in my life and every situation. So I have begun doing that again. I have realized just how blessed I have been since December 22 2015. I met Tim that day again, we went to high school together he was a year ahead of me. He has accepted me just as I am disabled and all, with a screwed up family, the whole nine yards. Not only did he come into my life and accept me with open arms but so did his dad and his oldest son and his family. I know have 2 extra little grandsons to shower with love. I have actually never had so much love given to me as I do now. My oldest son and his finace also are much more active in my life then they had been, and my youngest FINALLY realizes how sick I have actually been. So instead of feeling down and sorry for myself i am concentrating, well trying to, on all of this and it is helping me quite a bit.
The one thing with all these new people in my life Jerred's story has had to be told several times and Tim and I discuss it often, things will pop into my head that I had not told him. So he has been front and center on my mind big time. I have shed quite a few tears again, But that is ok as they are cleansing and necessary as I feel we continue to go through the different stages of grief when we lose a child over and over again continuously. With that said all I know is right now I wish I would have the man that he would have been in my life right now also. I often ponder what he would be like as a man, I know he would be a very loving man as he was that as a child, but would he be successful, have a wife and babies by now, those sorts of things. I know he would always be here for me if I needed him.
Well thats what I am going through right now both physically and mentally, a wee bit better I think anyhow. At least I am not sitting here feeling sorry for me like I was.
Now for some happier news. I recently remembered the New Years resolution I made a year ago, to always look for the positives in my life and every situation. So I have begun doing that again. I have realized just how blessed I have been since December 22 2015. I met Tim that day again, we went to high school together he was a year ahead of me. He has accepted me just as I am disabled and all, with a screwed up family, the whole nine yards. Not only did he come into my life and accept me with open arms but so did his dad and his oldest son and his family. I know have 2 extra little grandsons to shower with love. I have actually never had so much love given to me as I do now. My oldest son and his finace also are much more active in my life then they had been, and my youngest FINALLY realizes how sick I have actually been. So instead of feeling down and sorry for myself i am concentrating, well trying to, on all of this and it is helping me quite a bit.
The one thing with all these new people in my life Jerred's story has had to be told several times and Tim and I discuss it often, things will pop into my head that I had not told him. So he has been front and center on my mind big time. I have shed quite a few tears again, But that is ok as they are cleansing and necessary as I feel we continue to go through the different stages of grief when we lose a child over and over again continuously. With that said all I know is right now I wish I would have the man that he would have been in my life right now also. I often ponder what he would be like as a man, I know he would be a very loving man as he was that as a child, but would he be successful, have a wife and babies by now, those sorts of things. I know he would always be here for me if I needed him.
Well thats what I am going through right now both physically and mentally, a wee bit better I think anyhow. At least I am not sitting here feeling sorry for me like I was.
Replies
Having Tim in your life sounds wonderful,,, those positive things .... what blessings they are,,, keep focusing on them... love ya!
My mom called it an attitude of gratitude and it helped her live life from day to day as best as she could. It\'s always a choice I have found and even in the midst of the most challenging of events there is a glimmer somewhere waiting to be noticed. It matters not when we do take note as it will wait until we are able to.
How wonderful that Tim has come into your life and added SO much love. Nothing like having a healthy and loving relationship to add delight and comfort in one\'s life. :)
Hoping your health issues continue to improve and taking it day by day noticing what is better can help so much just as you are doing.
Healing (((hugs))) of care your way to Jerred\'s mom from Douglas\' mom and grateful for your checking in.
XO Joanie
We do sound like broken records, as we try to understand our selves, our feelings, and thoughts. The loss of a child is a terrible thing, and we find our feet after a time, and if lucky, with a good man by our side.
So glad that the there is an \"attack\" on your medical issues...good health contributes positively to other things.
Love hearing that you can see and feel the blessings in your life.
Gentle hugs...Karen