Uggghh

I have not been on here in awhile. I haven't felt the need :) i got myself off all my pills
and have a full time job now and i started driving. I even had to face my huge fear of vomiting. I did throw up and it sucked but i got through it alone.
Its still a huge fear for me, even if it makes no sense. I cant explain why it scares me so much
Or why i get panic attacks cause of it but i do. And lately a really bad flu has been going around, everyone sick and vomiting...im terrified. I have been having a lot of panic attacks and its so hard because now i dont even have pills to help me through, its all mental and its hard, and scary. No one understands this fear. They think i am selfish for not wanting to take care or be around them when they are sick. I feel bad but i cant help it. I hate being scared of something i cant control, and even more i hate knowing what its like to go through life without any panic attacks just to wind up having them again.