Ugg. Whats worse? Condition or Side effects?

I'm never sure these days how to answer the age old question; how are you feeling? "Like crap, thanks so much for asking" seems rude. Ha ha. I don't want sympathy just healing. It's only been one day of many yet to come of waiting on insurance for authorization before treatment. Bored yet? I think I need to spend some quality time with my Lord. Work on those fruits of the spirit He talks about. I'm smiling here. For me, when in a holding pattern with no landing strip in sight and low on fuel I run through all the emotions or I am numb after new diagnosis. The numbness of Thursday's appointment is wearing off, I think. I'm used to having to run through the five stages of grief. Haven't cried over this one yet, during PT and immense pain,yes; but not out of emotion. God and I have been having chats. He tells me I am not alone, though I'm lonely at times. He tells me He will provide, though the funds get harder to find and treatment is no longer easy to decide on if it's pricey. He tells me I'm his beloved daughter and He loves me very much,though I'm an orphaned little girl who needs her mum right now. He says He's my friend always, though I have few left to hug me or take me out for coffee. Even I'm tired of explaining my condition to a new person. You can't see it so it's hard for them to get it. I've found my quirky, morbid sense of humor about DDD can be off putting for some. For me, it's necessary as a coping mechanism. Hope you folks will stick with me here. Funny how I've become so comfortable with DS now. I have come to need this support group and deeply appreciate the hugs and comments. I recommended DS to a pal with MS yesterday. I pray she finds comfort here as I have. I must remember however what my doctor's PA said on Thursday; that he wants me focused on my own rest and comfort right now, not trying to be it all for everyone else. I am a mothering type and find I feel a sense of purpose in caring for others. I can only pray for and encourage them now, no physical help. It's enough now for me to do that. 
I was originally going to start a DDD blog, with my patient experience but also with research, links and other news about studies and treatment options. I'm glad I didn't because this is easier to maintain. A friend of mine wrote a book about her back surgery but I'm not so brave, and I've had three so far.
Meds are kicking in. I sure hope I don't have the nausea again today. That was nasty. I fought it so I wouldn't lose my medications, then be without them for the next four hours. I'm snickering and shaking my head here. The things we have to do, huh? When I read posts or here of a newly diagnosed DDD patient I am ever so careful to answer only what I'm asked unless they want more info up front. I guess it still scares me a bit to know what's coming for me. I know, I know...and no I don't stew over it anymore. It's a waste of precious moments. I'd rather do hope and be at peace within. That said, I have to go lie down again. Later dear ones, if I can.