uggg
Its dec 3rd. 3 years ago my broth Gary died of pancreatic cancer. Today is his Birthday. He woulda been 55. As i wrote this the visuals of all that wasnt there but that dread feeling was. So much dread.
Now its time to pay the rent. I dont have the money. I have to ask my sister for a loan which is the last thing i want to do. This summer i claimed bankruptcy and succumed to letting the bank take my house. Im waiting for unemployment to kick in and now i think theres a problem with how they are gonna pay...i picked direct deposit but now my bank cancelled my account so now what? I try to call unemployment but i cant even get through. I tried to go back online and fix it but i think i started a new claim instead so i really dont know whats going on now. The worst of this whole thing is that i rent from my brother. If im late with the rent he is screwed...along with his wife and 4 kids. Now that really makes me feel like a piece of shit. If unemployment can just start coming things will be ok. I just gotta get thru this winter and my job will be full time starting in spring. I swear...i will never ever get in this position again. The days when i hate my job and feel like quitting...ill remember this feeling.....id rather work 24 hours aday than feel like this piece of crap.
Im trying to find at least a part time job, its tough..especially with a shit education like i have. I left an email to my sister saying i need to borrow money. Of course i wait till the last minute and cowardly ask in an email. So here i am waiting for her reply...if she says no.....then i have no idea whats next. Oh how it used to feel when there was thousands in the bank. Now i dont even have an account. God...i asked for your help regarding this...i will not take it back as promised....but can ya please speed it up a bit???
Now its time to pay the rent. I dont have the money. I have to ask my sister for a loan which is the last thing i want to do. This summer i claimed bankruptcy and succumed to letting the bank take my house. Im waiting for unemployment to kick in and now i think theres a problem with how they are gonna pay...i picked direct deposit but now my bank cancelled my account so now what? I try to call unemployment but i cant even get through. I tried to go back online and fix it but i think i started a new claim instead so i really dont know whats going on now. The worst of this whole thing is that i rent from my brother. If im late with the rent he is screwed...along with his wife and 4 kids. Now that really makes me feel like a piece of shit. If unemployment can just start coming things will be ok. I just gotta get thru this winter and my job will be full time starting in spring. I swear...i will never ever get in this position again. The days when i hate my job and feel like quitting...ill remember this feeling.....id rather work 24 hours aday than feel like this piece of crap.
Im trying to find at least a part time job, its tough..especially with a shit education like i have. I left an email to my sister saying i need to borrow money. Of course i wait till the last minute and cowardly ask in an email. So here i am waiting for her reply...if she says no.....then i have no idea whats next. Oh how it used to feel when there was thousands in the bank. Now i dont even have an account. God...i asked for your help regarding this...i will not take it back as promised....but can ya please speed it up a bit???
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