Tyring not to think

Just having one of those days.  Trying not ot think about him and his messed up life.  of course he messed up, he gave away a GREAT girl that loves him and the kids and only wanted to see his life improve.  He gave away ME!!!!!  Hopefully when the money runs out and she isn't working, he will realize what a dumbass he is.  But on the otherhand- maybe things will work out and the money will come rolling in to where they are living in the lap of luxury and have everything that they have ever wanted.  Seems like the people that don't deserve any of that are always the ones getting it.  Ive always been told that i will get mine when I get to heaven.  I want some of it now though!!  Don't I deserve to be happy and not worry about where the money to pay the bills is coming from?  Don't I deserve to be happy and be with someone that makes me happy?  I'm so tired of feeling invisible and shit on all the time.  I don't deserve to be used!!