Two years this Week
Hello Everyone, Here is a special hug to each and every one of you that have touched my life in so many ways. It was two years ago that God sent me to this site. Lonely and I felt so helpless. I couldn't imagine living life with out Harry. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. ALone standing in life I felt so empty. Yet as I write today I can not and will not deny that I am full once again. Maybe wiser but not full. I still live with the memory of my husband. I still face death on a new level. And I still see the world as an empty pit, wanting and waiting for the day I will have the new Joy. I have learned so much, and I can't imagine climing this mountain has not been easy. No matter what valley we go into we need to see it for what is. And not what we hope for. I laid awake many sleepless nights and wandered would I ever know a good night sleep again. Although my body and cats have designated a new sleep pattern for myself. I still wake in the middle of the night and look at his side of the bed and feel the mast emptiness, that is there. I do not shed tears for that anymore. God has calmed my fears, on emptiness. I know longer feel empty. How can I in this mast world. How much is at our finger tips that we ignore. The beauty of the fall season and the trees changing colors. Oh what a precious site. A reminder some things change but God is soveriegn God. As many as you know God is what got me through all this. I am PRaising his name. But I do learn so much a long the way. 1. I must cry 2. It is ok to grieve 3. Grief is a process 4. things will never be the same 5. Look around you there are so many gifts for you to enjoy during this time 6. God can change you in a moment but it will probally take more than that. Death is a blink of an eye. But Life can drag on forever. 7. Count my blessings and don't forget to name them one by one. 8. God is my strength. 9. I wil never have the answers So why try hashing out somethings you can't find, the answers to. Over anxious worry will kill you. 10. You do come out of the valley but it TAKES TIME. 11. Time is a wonderful thing although during this period I did not look at this way. I ran in circles and circles, I fell down and down. I lived on antidepressandts, seeked help, cried, and fell once more. But in the end I saw there is no real time table to all. If this makes any sense. There will be great days and bad days. ANd some minutes you will laugh and some minutes you will cry. The clock keeps ticking, let us not hide that from our selves. Let is Live to the fullest. 12. I learned compassion (although I do believe Jesus is still working on this with me. 13. I learned what a friend is, a friend 'LOVETH AT ALL TIMES 14. I could go on and on, but I think this is enough for now. Take care So what about me. For starters, I got a new job and will begin in two weeks. A new job that is totally different than what I do. I am stepping out that the Lord will provide, and that is the right thing from me. I know the job is of GOd. Although it is a new mission field for me. I am so excited for it. I am not going into full time ministry. It is just God's next training ground for me. On the Love life of my life, I am still not involved with anyone. Nor seeing anyone. I am just me and learning, to live with just me. and that is ok for now. ALthough I do want to share my life with someone, I know that only GOd can provide my new partner. I tried online dating and that was a disaster. I tried to date others and God shut the door on that too. So I think God is just saying it is not time yet. And I guess I need to learn that rule of waiting and trusting. LOL. I did rekindle an old friend, and old love, we were apart for 14 years. He has become my sound board, and male opinion. We do not see each other. But to be honest and not cocky on this, I think he doesn't want to be tempted or lead me on. He wants nothen but friends. And I am ok with that now. But that wasn't the case 10 months ago. He sent spinning into depression, and wandering if anyone would ever again believe I am beautiful and love me. Was Harry the last man that would hold me in his arms. I still don't know but am so thankful for the times Harry and I shared. I treasure our moments together more today than I did when he was right here holding me. Anyway, my friend and I talk on the phone. he complains to me I complain to him, We make each other laugh, share our dreams and concerns, about life together. ANd it is a very special blessing. Matt is now 14, and the long hair is gone. He is doing great. Still into his sports. So when the Phillies won the world series you know he did not go to school he went to the parade. Matt is so strong. Matt taught me that childern grieve different. He loves school and is an honor school. Although Mom believes that if he just puts a little bit more effort in school we could have all A's. He is satisfied with B's. If anyone knows how to convince a 14 yr. old that doing your best is what counts. And don't settle for less. I would love to know how it is donePLEASE TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Matt is going hunting for the first time this year, my friend is taking him. Oh boy away for a week together. I am sure the stories will be interesting. I am excited for the two of them. ANd hope Matt gets a buck. SO we have food next year. LOL Well, Life is good as you can see. Thank you for reading and for being my friend. And I want you all to know although I am not on here much I think of you and pray for you. I hug you in my dreams. You all were a golden gift from GOd to me. You helped me out. THank you thank you. So if today you feel horrible, bad, sad, ok, happy, EXcellent. Remember the sun comes up and the sun goes down and God wants to be a part of your life. He reminds you when it rains, he loves you and supplies the water you need to live. He reminds you when he introduces to people who really care. And I care. Go ahead cry if you have to turn to God and ask for help. He wants to hear from you. He Loves you. That is why Christ died on that cross for us. I pray and hope that today many blessings come your way. Until we chat again. Rember life is a journey and try not to run, for you may fall. GOD BLESS YOU..... Eileen
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