Two years since my last post...

Its been over two years since my last post. I survived back surgery in 07/08. My ex allowed me to stay with him, and he took care of me. I have felt for the longest time that I did not do my part in the relationship. I was too stubborn and codependent at the same time. He has yet another new girlfriend who looks an awful lot like me. I have just been patient with him and his girls up until now. I like her very much, and I think we could be friends if the circumstances were different. She even needs to have the same back surgery that I had. I cannot help myself but to love this man as he has been more of the man that I fell in love with years ago. I ache for him, and sometimes I feel like I should just lie down and stop breathing from the pain. I cannot move on. I do not feel that it is right to start a relationship with someone new because I still feel like I am married to him. I even still have a key to our home, and up until recently, I have stayed in the home when visiting. My last visit, he put me up in a hotel. I just miss him so badly. Can anyone help me?