Two years away!

Wow, I have been off DS for two years! I hope you are doing ok. I'm still struggling with depression lying to me. I know I have more life to live, and most days I see that clearly. Some days, however, I get so bogged down in the darkness that I believe the lies. I have a decent med regime now that helps and some therapy (inconsistent) but it helps. The biggest thing I've tried lately is to get physical. I, at this later stage of life, have signed up for karate. So far I love it....it really helps me work off stress! We're really short on money, so I can't afford karate or therapy right now. But I have another avenue of treatment. I can go to the VA and get therapy and they have most of my meds...not all that the civilian doctor has prescribed, but most. I can afford the two the VA won't prescribe if I can get them to provide the other ones. For karate, well I guess I can just practice the one kata I've learned until I can afford class again.
I'm really depressed and stress eating - binge eating- over our money situation. Today I'm so stressed and depressed that I feel hopeless. We are broke, completely, for the month and we have two weeks to go before we get another check. It's really scary to me. I can't work, I can't even leave my bedroom most days (on my own). I can get out as long as my husband is with me, for long enough to go to karate or to go shopping at our local little Piggly Wiggly. The xanax isn't working very well. Today my hubby is at his therapy appts and I'm freaking out even more because he's not here and I'm alone with the kids. I have to fake it and hold it together for them.