Two Year Anniversary Cigarette Free with DS & Friends

I was looking at my profile this morning and thinking how I need to update it.  So many things have changed in the last two years. Two years ago today. I was hacking up a lung, smoking a cigarette while running a fever.  My usual every 4 month bout with bronchchitis.  Coughing and smoking at the same time.    I just googled help for smokers.  Up came the usual gums and aides.  But also I read of a new website where smokers could help one another stop if they wanted to.  I clicked on ,and from that day on I have not put a cigarette into my mouth.  I found Daily Strength, Doug, Dr. O  I made friends with mischif,  Windy and Sandy.  We still stay in touch and support each other.  I think for me, what helped to stop and stay stopped from smoking was the journaling.  I would end each entry with "I did not smoke today",  I bitched and moaned about every little silly thing that bothered me.   My hair was crooked, yeah, yeah, yeah.   I was so irritated while withdrawing from the evil white cylinders. Wow two years ago.  I had Mom here with me.  She would tell me stories.  She missed Dad.  So did I, but her Irishness, she always would make a light joke about things at the end of a sad story.  I miss Mom, and Dad who died died 5 years before her.  Mom was so proud that I stopped smoking, she would say I know you can do this.  I would say, no Mom I am a hard wired smoker. No can do.  She would say, phooey, that is really silly Reenie, you can do it.  I did it. And your my girl.  So you can do it too. Mom died in March 2008. At that time, I was Office Manager for the Work Experience Program, a program that got folks on public assistance back into the workforce.  Gee wiz, if working there did not want to make you smoke a cigarette, well you get what I mean.  That is why its called "Work" I retired Sept. 2007 My buddy Dennis, a retired Lt. Col. from Viet Nam with a "big beer problem", friend since we were in the first grade.  Another Irishman with a wonderful sense of humor who would call my office and make the girls laugh.  He could inpersonate all kinds of accents and voices.  They would think he was a client.  I would give Dennis the stop drinking or you will die speech.  He would change the subject and then make me laugh about something or someone funny.  Dennis died Aug. 2008 in the VA hosp. I was out to see Lars, my brother, in Sept. He said Reen, the dog really looks bad.  So she is blind, that's all.  No big deal, she is 16.  She developed a cough and I took her to the Vet.  Well,  Yoda Mae Blossom, Mommy's Girl was my constant.  she helped me to stop smoking.  We  would take anxiety walks together.  Or busybody runs, and trash trots together.  She was my glue.  My constant.  She did not care if I was fat, or in a bad mood.  She loved me unconditionally.  No one ever loves like this.  That did it in for me.   I am so stuck, Its the giant hicup in my throat that won't come up or go out.   I go through the motions, I eat to try to taste.  I do things just to feel.  I am numb with the Giant Hiccup in my body.  That needs to come out and can't.  Try pushing it away, nothing is helping yet.  But I do believe it will pass.  Everything passess and changes.  That is for sure.  Yoda Mae Blossom, Baby Girl died Oct. 2008.  AND I DID NOT SMOKE TODAY!   Luv, Ree