Two Steps Back

I was doing so well. I took a nap when I arrived home from work today, I didn't even think that I'd fallen asleep. I was talking to Abby and she was just the same, then . . . in my dream, I saw something, her pencil case I think, and the realization overcame me that she was dead. Like a wave of sadness it washed over me. It was like being scared awake by a loud noise. That feeling in the pit of my stomach. The terrible dread like sadness. I looked at the clock and I'd been asleep for an hour and a half. It probably took me that long to recover. Now I'm a little afraid to go to sleep. What a terrible dream, what a terrible way to wake up.
Yes, I've been to Aruba before. The last time I went we sailed his (leased) trimaran to Trinidad, Tobago actually, then had to sail back of course. That was a few years ago. Abby met us in Tobago. Lots of good memories, sitting here thinking about it makes me smile, sadly. That was before he started his new business, he was still day tripping tourists then, now he runs a water taxi service for businesses.
Wow, the holidays are coming, we always used to go to the Caribbean around  the holidays. At Christmas I used to put on the Christmas music, light all the candles, and sit and think back over the year. I sure as hell can't do that.
I took off for a weekend last time, just to try and recall the whole year
All of the faces and all of the places, I was wonderin where they all disappeared
Reading departure signs in some big airport reminds me of the places I've been
Visions of good times that brought so much pleasure makes me want to go back again
If it suddenly ended tomorrow I could easily adjust to the fall
Good times and riches and sons of a bitches I've seen more than I can recall
These changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes Nothing remains quite the same
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane
So many nights I just dream of the ocean God I wish I was sailin' again
Oh, yesterday's over my shoulder so I can't look back for too long
There's too much to see waiting in front of me and I know that I can't go wrong
With all of my running and all of my cunning If I couldn't laugh I just would go insane If we couldn't laugh we just would go insane
From memory with some personalization - My apologies Jimmy. Abby's favorite (Jimmy Buffet song) was The Volcano Song, I don't know why but it was. She used to tease me with the line "You better love me now or love me not". I didn't know how true that was.
Enough of my myopic maudlin misery (for the alliteration fans)