Two sides to every story.

There are three to this one however. There is the real world. The one most people live in. Where they get into a car, drive themselves to their jobs, and work hard for their wallets, and what is inside of them. When I was healthy I worked hard labor, but with two busted kneecaps at the time, I just couldn't lift in my helpless condition, so there was no more working. I live on disability, getting by trying to survive in my imaginary world, the one I made up, the one I perfer to stay in, nothing bad happens, your always at an even keel, everday is like a york pepermint patty and things are peachy. That's the world I wish I could show others its peacful. Now I'm in too much pain to do anything but sort of vent saying its not fair! I've had it with life almost. I want to scream and yell hey hey I'm alive I still have a life to live. I wanna get busy do all the things I missed while suffering with illness I have no controll over. I hit a bucket lister over the hollidays. I wanted to see my first boyfriend. I needed to make amends, and asked for forgivness for something we did that was so dumb to even bring up after 25 years, but I wanted to poke him on facebook, so I did I heard back, I used him for pleasure, and then he dumped me, so I guess I asked for it. But he did not tell me he was in a relationship still, and weather or not I was ready, he broke my heart again. The first time I ended up in a psyco ward, this time I think I'll survivie him. No I do not forgive what he did. HE photocopied a love letter I wrote him and passed it out to school, this time he dumps me publickly online to do it worse, and I let him. Mostly because I was cheating on him when we were dating but seriously guys this was twenty five years ago who holds a grudge for that long? So I forgave him, told him what i thoughtof him and deacivaed facebook. I'll admit I wanted him back for keepers. Not just that one thing. SO I don't even want to think what he's doing lately but I sure am glad I got out of that one. I so seriously am not ready for anything like that, I have a lot of  mental work to do. Its heavy duty something only GOd can fix. My broken heart. I recovered from childhood behavors but thats no reason to end it all. Rejected if that was the case would have been just fine, but I went through with it. I practically dared him too, He waled away and I let him go. Did I ask for that? No, he sure didin't need to go online later to insult me.