Two reasons I was at Peggy's funeral
Jeannette was my best friend Mario's other best friend. They fought like spouses, or siblings. I used to tell him they should get married, a funny idea because they were both gay, but in many ways they were like spouses. I used to call Mario "my 2nd wife" because my wife was jealous of the time I spent with him. We weren't lovers, I was never interested in men, but we loved each other like brothers. After Mario died, Jeannette started calling me "husband," and I told her it's not a good time to be my wife, they are all dying, also I wasn't that comfortable with it. So she calls me "Uncle" and I am old enough to be hers.
Her dear friend Peggy died. She asked me to come to the funeral with her yesterday. (reason 1)
I arrived before her. I was sitting outside the funeral home. A man sitting next to me started talking with me. He was Peggy's boyfriend for over 3 years. Her family didn't want him there, I found out later there were rumors of abuse, but I never heard about it directly from Peggy. Perhaps it was true, she was an alcoholic and he also has drug issues, that can cause a lot of craziness in a relationship. My wife and I abused each other for years even without drugs and alcohol, but that was never the "reason" we were together and it stopped when I removed the stresses of chronic homelessness and hunger by building a successful business. He told me he couldn't help ignoring the family's death threats to discourage him from being at the funeral, he needed to come. He started crying. I told him I understand why he came. I told him pay no mind to anybody else, today it was between him & Peggy & God. I told him I could empathize with him because I lost my wife last year. I shook his hand and hugged him. Most importantly, I listened to him, I allowed him to communicate his grief.
I think that is the 2nd reason Jeannette asked me to come to the funeral, although she didn't know it, and when she arrived she was upset that I was talking with him. I told her that I was just talking with him as a human being, and she knows I don't take sides, I never took sides in her fights with Mario, because I always knew they would reconcile eventually. The boyfriend needed someone to acknowledge him as a human being who loved Peggy and give him some sympathy. He told me about good times, taking photos together. He went into the funeral home, and kissed her goodbye, he got some of the mortuary makeup on his forehead. Some of the family wanted to kick him out, but at least there were some cool heads who restrained them.
Her dear friend Peggy died. She asked me to come to the funeral with her yesterday. (reason 1)
I arrived before her. I was sitting outside the funeral home. A man sitting next to me started talking with me. He was Peggy's boyfriend for over 3 years. Her family didn't want him there, I found out later there were rumors of abuse, but I never heard about it directly from Peggy. Perhaps it was true, she was an alcoholic and he also has drug issues, that can cause a lot of craziness in a relationship. My wife and I abused each other for years even without drugs and alcohol, but that was never the "reason" we were together and it stopped when I removed the stresses of chronic homelessness and hunger by building a successful business. He told me he couldn't help ignoring the family's death threats to discourage him from being at the funeral, he needed to come. He started crying. I told him I understand why he came. I told him pay no mind to anybody else, today it was between him & Peggy & God. I told him I could empathize with him because I lost my wife last year. I shook his hand and hugged him. Most importantly, I listened to him, I allowed him to communicate his grief.
I think that is the 2nd reason Jeannette asked me to come to the funeral, although she didn't know it, and when she arrived she was upset that I was talking with him. I told her that I was just talking with him as a human being, and she knows I don't take sides, I never took sides in her fights with Mario, because I always knew they would reconcile eventually. The boyfriend needed someone to acknowledge him as a human being who loved Peggy and give him some sympathy. He told me about good times, taking photos together. He went into the funeral home, and kissed her goodbye, he got some of the mortuary makeup on his forehead. Some of the family wanted to kick him out, but at least there were some cool heads who restrained them.
Replies
Interesting read. Thanks for sharing . . and for lending an ear supporting the boyfriend. No matter \"who\" we are, we all grieve and deserve the chance to say our good-byes. Hugs, D
They called him \"Monkey\" because he is black. He was the only \"person of color\" at the funeral. Her family is very White, many with red hair like Peggy. But many of them are definitely White Trash. One young woman wore a very sexy dress, even I was a little shocked, but when I found out her name is \"Fantasia\" it made more sense.
In retrospect, they will have less bad things to say about him being there, than if he stayed away.
I am sorry you lost your friend!
But, on an up note, I am glad you were able to console her bf.
We never know when God has put us in situations were we are needed. I appreciate you allowed God to use you.