Two Examples
I'm writing this mostly for me, so I won't forget, in case I need it in the future; not out of "scorekeeping".
This weekend, we were taking 1 of the laptops to his favorite computer people to fix it so that it accepts Microsoft updates. It has Windows Vista. I guess the guy told my husband that it could be upgraded to Windows 7 relatively inexpensively & my H sounded like he thought it was a good idea. I said, "Wait a minute--that's what I told you back when I had Staples clean it up & you said that it wasn't worth upgrading it." To which he circled back around & said, "Yeah, well, it isn't worth it..." (This is another example of when something is my idea, it's bad, but if it comes from someone else, it's good. I call him out on these!)
The other conversation was pretty strange & not preceded by anything derogatory on my part. He got some cement to fix our stone steps & I said something like he was doing his "man stuff" with the cement (I've said things like this before, kind of alluding to the show "Home Improvement"). Somehow, the conversation turned to how women "never" worked with cement, to which I of course replied, "Well, sometimes they do" (of course I know that men usually do, but I'm not going to say "always"!) & he insisted that women never work with cement.
I'm not sure how the conversation got on the next track, but he went on to say how "women never invented anything." To which I replied "Sure, they have." Then he said, "No, women don't invent things. They tell the men what they want & the men invent things." (Now, of course, the majority of inventors are men, but obviously not 100%!)
I have NO idea what put these thoughts in his head or why he thinks this way, and I'd probably be wasting my time trying to figure it out anyway. Also, it's a waste of time to continue to argue the point when he is obviously not being logical. The conclusion is this: this conversation is just another example of "black & white/all or nothing" thinking.
What I need to work on--for me--is to fight the urge to feel the need to disprove him/win the argument. I'm not sure if I should just state the truth because the truth needs to be stated, or if I should just keep quiet & let him believe his own fallacies (which he's going to anyway). I just wonder if these thoughts--which on the surface are neutral subjects--are really just a displaced resentment toward me. I suppose they are, but I can't know 100% sure.
Well, I suppose my conclusion is: I'm not going to play guessing games as to what the "real" meaning is. If he wants me to know, he needs to come straight out & tell me!
This weekend, we were taking 1 of the laptops to his favorite computer people to fix it so that it accepts Microsoft updates. It has Windows Vista. I guess the guy told my husband that it could be upgraded to Windows 7 relatively inexpensively & my H sounded like he thought it was a good idea. I said, "Wait a minute--that's what I told you back when I had Staples clean it up & you said that it wasn't worth upgrading it." To which he circled back around & said, "Yeah, well, it isn't worth it..." (This is another example of when something is my idea, it's bad, but if it comes from someone else, it's good. I call him out on these!)
The other conversation was pretty strange & not preceded by anything derogatory on my part. He got some cement to fix our stone steps & I said something like he was doing his "man stuff" with the cement (I've said things like this before, kind of alluding to the show "Home Improvement"). Somehow, the conversation turned to how women "never" worked with cement, to which I of course replied, "Well, sometimes they do" (of course I know that men usually do, but I'm not going to say "always"!) & he insisted that women never work with cement.
I'm not sure how the conversation got on the next track, but he went on to say how "women never invented anything." To which I replied "Sure, they have." Then he said, "No, women don't invent things. They tell the men what they want & the men invent things." (Now, of course, the majority of inventors are men, but obviously not 100%!)
I have NO idea what put these thoughts in his head or why he thinks this way, and I'd probably be wasting my time trying to figure it out anyway. Also, it's a waste of time to continue to argue the point when he is obviously not being logical. The conclusion is this: this conversation is just another example of "black & white/all or nothing" thinking.
What I need to work on--for me--is to fight the urge to feel the need to disprove him/win the argument. I'm not sure if I should just state the truth because the truth needs to be stated, or if I should just keep quiet & let him believe his own fallacies (which he's going to anyway). I just wonder if these thoughts--which on the surface are neutral subjects--are really just a displaced resentment toward me. I suppose they are, but I can't know 100% sure.
Well, I suppose my conclusion is: I'm not going to play guessing games as to what the "real" meaning is. If he wants me to know, he needs to come straight out & tell me!
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