Turning Point
Christmas Day 2014. I know that it was a turning point. ES ignored us, ignored our invitations, ignored our "begging" him to spend a little time with us and his grandmother on Christmas Day. Our only child, her only grandchild has thrown us away like rubbish. I told myself early in the day, "if he doesn't come by, it proves that this is real. It proves that he has discarded us." So now I know. I know for certain that we are estranged. I cried, I got angry, I got numb.
I went into the kitchen and took down all of his photos on my refrigerator. I turned off the digital photo frame. I can't bear to look at the reminders of our happy days. I made a list of his things left in our home. What things I will donate to GoodWill. What things I will sell to pay off the money he has borrowed from us. I decide that I will no longer text him, leave him voicemails. After today, I will put him on a restricted list on my Facebook so he will no longer see our lives daily.
Then I question myself. "Am I acting out of anger? Am I just retaliating for being hurt?
I don't know the answers to that. All I know is that THIS is what I must do to maintain my sanity, to reclaim my power, to stand back up after his abuse.
I went into the kitchen and took down all of his photos on my refrigerator. I turned off the digital photo frame. I can't bear to look at the reminders of our happy days. I made a list of his things left in our home. What things I will donate to GoodWill. What things I will sell to pay off the money he has borrowed from us. I decide that I will no longer text him, leave him voicemails. After today, I will put him on a restricted list on my Facebook so he will no longer see our lives daily.
Then I question myself. "Am I acting out of anger? Am I just retaliating for being hurt?
I don't know the answers to that. All I know is that THIS is what I must do to maintain my sanity, to reclaim my power, to stand back up after his abuse.
Replies
Of course you are angry and hurt. Only you can decide what is right and best for you. This is a form of the grief process and there are 5 steps to that. 1. Denial, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining (with God. If I...would you...) 4. Depression
5. Acceptance.
What is most difficult about estrangement is that there is no real way to come to acceptance and closure. The person will always be there. Some have been successful in moving on and just deciding not to think or give the EC any thought. Evidently they have been successful. Personally, I hope that one day I get there but am far from it now. I know I am exhausted with trying to balance on the high wire of life not tilting one way or the other very much according to what ES decides. One day I hopefully will be runited or just end it for good. Only time will tell.
That phrase, \"only time will tell,\" is all that I know is absolute truth at this point. I keep telling myself the same thing. I know that I have no control nor influence over what ES decides, does, thinks. I am nowhere near \"closure\" but am at an angry/detached phase.