turmoil

I am feeling!! down tonight.  We need to go to Ottawa on the 27th for the mediation with the lawyers.  I am not looking forward to it.  We got the statements of both expert witnesses.  I couldn't read either of them but Joe did tell me what ours said.  In his opinion, the surgeon waited too long before doing anything - and then, he did the wrong thing.  I have an idea as to what the other guy said - I saw one other statement he wrote - he admitted that Lisa's doctor was inexperienced - he used that as an excuse.  According to our witness, Lisa's was the only the 12th surgery of this sort that he had done.  I am sure Lisa said he had done 90!  As far as I know, Lisa was not told that she was a guinea pig!
So, I am feeling discombobulated.  I know most of what Lisa went through and I know I will not do well on the 27th.  I just want it to be over.
On the upside, our weather has warmed up.  The snow is melting, making it slushy and messy.  But at least it is warm.
I went for a haircut today - I couldn't stand seeing myself in the mirror.  Tomorrow - the dentist.  I dislike going to both places! 
I just don't want to have a toothache when we are in the jungle!
In the meantime, I am trying to be normal - whatever normal is.  I went to a board meeting tonight.  I think it is going to be a better year.  We have a new chairman who wants to conduct more professional meetings.  Our last chair was a very nice guy but had no clue about chairing meetings. 
I guess the take home here is that life is not all bad. 
In the meantime, I am trying to forgive.  I won't forget, I will always be sad, angry, hurt and lonely but there is no peace in holding a grudge.  I am hoping that something good will come of this.
I know this is a rambling message but that is my mood right now - confused and unfocused.
Lisa:  I miss you so much.  I wish my trip to Ottawa was to visit you.  I wish you would be at the airport to meet us.  I wish I wish. I miss you always and love you forever,  Mummy