Tuesday May 20th,2008

i am doing something that I havent done in years. I am crying.I have to release these tears.Noone knows my pain and I believe a motto that has been instilled in me for years.I believe that Kennedys dont cry.Now I am not a member of my favorite family nor do I know the Senator,but I will admire how this family conceals its grief and this is what I have been doing when it comes to my beloved brother.I miss Frank.I really do.This pain will never cease.It is like a shot in the heart.It is like a headache that will never go away.And I am in so much pain that this is the only outlet that I have.I no longer go to the clinic.In Seattle there have been cutbacks and they are letting go of certain people that have been going to the clinics here for a long time.The soldiers from Iraq and people who were released from Western State not to mention Hurricane Katrina have to get preference.I was going there for 5 years.And I was getting better..Not even Brad knows this or the fact that I am paying off the hospital.It is raining now in seattle and i have decided to end a few friendships because they are not working out.Plus since she met him they are always together and I do not think that this is fair.They both are 60 and I do believe that they are trying to recapture a certain romance that they never had.It was different in 1962.Of I do wish,they were back for me! I do miss my room and my house! I do miss all of the family picinics and I miss my dog!Another reason why I am crying is because this Saturday is my late fathers birthday.If he lived he would have been 92 and he died in 1987.My father died in my arms.I was 40 years old.And I wanted just to get well and function so show him how proud that he will be of me.I now manage money good.It took me awhile.But no man in seattle or the world will ever match up like my father.I remember when I was 12.It was 1959.Daddy and I used to watch The HoneyMooners.Jackie Gleason was appearing in a broadway and I wanted to see it.Well,guess what? My father surprized my mother and me and took us! I saw The Great One! I saw Jackie Gleason and noone in my class went.He was always doing stuff like this.As for Brad,well personally he stinks! These seattle men are the most selfish and immature ones around.Every one of them here have got problems.The 40 year old men have got what is called Arrested Development.And some of them have not read a book since 8th grade.What is it with people today that they do not read? Please do not say that you do not have the time.I read for 10 minutes in the morning and am able to read a newspaper every day.The people here are obsessed with being green,diet,working out,and these stupid exercises.Some of them take all of these magic vitamins in the hopes of living to 100.Do me a favor..Can all of you get real? Cant everyone realize that some of these claims are so misleading? Vitamins cannot prolong your life.In fact,some can harm.We had a case here.A young teen was in Fred Hutchingson which is the cancer hospital.He has a very bad cold.Do you know that his parents where giving this young teen 17 vitamins! That is right! He was taking 17 vitamins a day! They had to stop because these vitamins were inferencing with chemo.I walk everyday and at night i try to walk at least 10 minutes.These people here are also obsessed with their cars! Now my friend uses her car just to go to the store which is 10 minutes away from my house! I walk and so can she.Why are people using their cars and wasting money?I am sorry..I do not like cars and I have never driven a car.I take Metro and I walk and that is about it.These tears are streaming down my face and they are releasing me from this pain.But the biggest pain anyone can have is the pain of being totally forgotten by your so called friends.