Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I don't know how to handle the feelings I am having today. It just isn't the same anymore I have tried unsucessfuly to hide the pain and disgust for what happened and she is seeing it more in my eyes. She says that we should just move on ,I find that difficult. I haven't had full closure with this and don't know how to do that yet. When we do the things (getting intimate) together all I can think of is that that someone else was there. It is eating me alive, I told her I forgave her but I just can not put the past behind, why can't I just believe her that she wants to be with only me now? she has lied so many time in the last few months that even if she is telling me the truth I wouldn't know it now. I guess all I can do is put my heart on the alter for her to tear out later down the line if she does this again if I want this broken marriage to mend. Why is it me that has to be so forgiving? why can't she see that this is tearing me apart, all she says is lets move forward and not dewl in the past. What has been done can't be taken back we just have to move forward with our lives. I have good days and bad days will this ever end? short of a divorce? I don't know it is so confusing. blah blah blah.....pith party for one.