Tuesday, February 26, 2008
howdy all. i just wanted to let a few things out. overall i have been fine....however, i really have been feeling down and i cant shake it. really late friday night trey and i were talking. i asked him a question about something that happened awhile ago. he answered and at that time i accepted. but since then it has been on my mind. now i do this cruel thing to myself. i need to know answers...what, why, where, etc. if it doesnt make sense in my brain or if there isnt enough info...it will drive me crazy till i know, and sometimes i know i wont like the answer. so for the last few days i have been carrying this around. i wanted to talk to him about it last night...but i was afraid to. sometime when we have out talks...he gets all defensive and it turns into a fight leaving me feel even worse. he knows something is on my mind but he didnt push it which i appreciated it that. i really do need to talk to him and i will...but i know it probably wont be tonight. i have an after school class and by the time i get home, and after dinner, i will be too tired and probably wont have the strength to talk. it sucks though. i need to let this out to him...but we have really been getting along lately and sometimes the littlest thing will set him off, so i am scared. i know you all are going to say...basically suck it up and just get it off your chest and i will, but until then..its going to eat at me. i do this all the time to myself..wanting to know things that doesnt always have to do with me. this is only in my life with trey. i am not this way at all with others. i feel that being with somebody i care about and love to know end i should know things about him. he has been very honest about his past and although i dont like everything about it...i deal. i dont have the best past either. i have done way too many things that i regret...things that still affect me today. but when things do affect me in some way...i need to know. i know he didnt cheat on me or anything it just something else. so i get thru another day with my head filled with crap. i know i shouldnt let things get to me so much...but this is what i do. i torture myself. kind of defeats my whole taking care of myself. i know i need to self soothe but i am the type of person who needs to feel loved, to be needed, to be wanted, etc..and self soothing just doesnt always cut out. i know in some ways i am needy...but after all i have been thru, and with my past of constantly taking care of...i need my turn. i need to be taken care. i want to be treated the way i treat others. this has nothing to do with all of you here...this is stricly a relationship thing. its just so frustrating and sad. btw...i didnt get my new tattoo yet :-( . hopefully soon. it just didnt work out this past weekend. its a shame, because i could really use some constructive pain.
Replies
i am the same way sometimes....and sometimes i need to process my emotions about the situation...so i can let it go...it\'s a tough thing....i understand how you are feeling...once my questions are answered and i can process my emotions and if he can validate me then i am fine....i pray that you will have peace of mind today and comfort in your heart and that your burden will be lifted...and i pray that you and trey can work this out peacefully.....
wishing you the best!
talk to him girl..he has no choice but to listen..get it off your chest..love you. always here..