[Tues.5/29/12] here I am again...

I'm back here asking the same stupid question and not coming up with an answer.  I don't know what to do or how to do what I know i need to do.   Like the other day, I just got up at 11:30 because my body just won't let me sleep anymore...so I take my meds (which I didn't do last night, again). and now I need to go make me some thing to eat...but I don't have the stupid energy.... I laid awake for a couple of hours just thinking...and figured out that I need to go back to work if I can...but I can't get up the nerve/energy to email my supervisor to see if I can even come back to work.    I need to go to my mom's house to explain to her what is going on.  That I am sick, but don't have the financial resources to get better...but I can't do that either...cause I feel like such a failure as a daughter.   My mother is 93 years old and the strongest person I know.  And the only thing I wanted to do is be like her but I've failed.   I failed at everything.  I need to get the energy to go to my kid's graduation this coming Friday and Saturday...but I can't even find the energy to enjoy this accomplishment ... I don't know what to do!!!!! For the last four years, I've lived my life by saying:  When you don't know what to do, do what you know, till you know what to do.  Well I've reached a point where I don't know what I know to do.  I've been struggling with that for a while now.   ...do what you know... I don't know what that is...do you?  What do you do when you don't know what to do?    
 
So...what do I do...I keep going over crap in my head and I don't know what to do. ...this is driving me crazy...i don't what to do...I don't like to be told what to do...I am a sick sick individual.
 
God help me I don't know what to do ...UGH!!!