TTC Journey! Our Story.

Wednesday June 13 2018

So im 27, my husband and I had been trying for almost 2 years to get pregnant before we decided to seek help back in January. Obviously we hadn't been successful so I wanted answers. We found out his sperm count was very low and one of my tubes was screwed. I'm even going to have to have one removed. We talked to our Dr and came to the conclusion that we were going to have to go through IVF in order to conceive! Of course we were devastated, shocked, scared, literally experiencing every emotion possible. I didnt know whether to be upset and cry or be excited because we at least have an option. It's not like there wasnt hope. I didnt really know how to handle the news bc I never thought I would be that girl, the one whose body is "messed up"! I always thought it would be easy and we would have a big family! Ha who knew we'd be where were at today, meeting with a fertility specialist, at 27! Crazy right?

My husband and I talked about it and I'm finally okay with having to go through IVF. Am i nervous YES. But we'd do anything in the world to have a baby. I'd do anything to be a mom. Little did I know though that this would probably be the most difficult, emotionally draining thing I'd ever have to go through. People asking ALL the time when were having a baby and isnt it about time yall start having kids! All the comments and and hurtful remarks, even from family members. My sister in law having babies and talking about being ready for the next one.. Why, you literally just had one. Enjoy the ones you have..  Atleast you can have babies. If only they knew what we were going through and how hurtful some of the things being said were. 

I literally have days where I just cry bc so many people that I know are having babies and posting their cute pictures. I cry everytime I see a new Facebook pregnancy announcment! I cry bc I wanna be pregnant, I wanna have all the pregnancy feels and experience what all those people are feeling. I want that more than anything.  And sometimes I just cry just bc otw one of those days. And then I have days where I'm pissed at the world. Why me? Why did I get chosen to go through this? Just why? 

Dont get me wrong, I'm excited to start this journey but I'm scared bc what if the IVF doesn't work. What if we go through all of this just to get let down again! I've gotten my hopes up so many times with thinking I'm pregnant, just to be let down again and again.. But I've got to have faith that it will all work out! Something good has got to come out of all of this! Right? I know god has a reason for all this madness and I do believe he has a plan for us.. but emotionally I'm drained.
Lately I've been having a really really hard time emotionally! We have an appointment coming up soon so hopefully we will have something figured out, and we can get this ball rolling! 

On a positive note:

 I literally have the best husband EVER! He's been my rock through everything so far! He definitely tries really hard to keep things positive when I only see the negative. I know deep down its tearing him up inside too, but he doesn't let me see it. He tries his hardest to smile and see the best in all this! And I'm truly blessed to be taking this journey with such an amazing guy!