Trying to understand.
I am trying to understand the purpose of my life. I don't have much money, posessions, or any status at all. Looking back, I battled through 23 very difficult years, just to end up with nothing!! I got married to my 2 nd husband in June, 1990. He died in June 2007, and my Colleen passed in July 2013. (She was born from my 2 nd marriage). Nou I am back to where I was before, only me and my 2 older children. The only difference is that now I have this permanent, deep pain and sadness inside me, because I miss my beautiful Colleen so very much!
Sometimes I think I'm being punished, because I am just not good enough. And I am afraid that I might loose my 2 older children also, because I mourn my sweet Colleen's passing everyday! Yes, life does go on, but not for me. I am stuck somewhere, trying to make sense of it all. And I really have no-one to talk to about all this, except my SOTH's here on FMO. Thank you for understanding me!
Sometimes I think I'm being punished, because I am just not good enough. And I am afraid that I might loose my 2 older children also, because I mourn my sweet Colleen's passing everyday! Yes, life does go on, but not for me. I am stuck somewhere, trying to make sense of it all. And I really have no-one to talk to about all this, except my SOTH's here on FMO. Thank you for understanding me!
Replies
I\'m sorry you\'re hurting and feeling lost and without purpose right now. I say right now, because I do believe when we have these feelings, very real feelings, they are temporary. This is where you are today, now. But it isn\'t where you will be every day, for the rest of your earthly experience....unless you choose it to be.
I think we\'ve all asked \"what is my purpose\". And I think we\'ve all expected some big, detailed answer to be given. Well, what I\'ve discovered....FOR ME....is, the \"purpose\" for all humans on this planet is to learn of, live in, and give to others, LOVE energy. There are millions of ways in which we can do that....everything from the greatest donations to the most worthy of causes, to the simple and yet enormously important act of listening to someone share their heart....offering a word of comfort if we have one....offering our own stories so others don\'t feel alone.
I think each and every day we are presented with opportunities to \"work our purpose\". Someday\'s my purpose is worked when I offer to take a buggy (a southern U.S. term for shopping cart) back to the store for a young mother who\'s just put her toddler in the car. Someday\'s my purpose is to log on here and read journals or write a journal. Someday\'s my purpose is to take a walk in the woods, just me and my thoughts. Someday\'s my purpose is to help someone financially. Whether I\'m offering a kind word, my broken heart, a little financial help, or simply BEing with Teri, I am fulfilling my life purpose. I am sharing LOVE....with others and with myself.
I\'m so sorry your husband\'s life earth side ended. I am SOOO sorry sweet Colleen\'s life earth side ended. One thing I know for sure.....You fulfilled your purpose every day with each of them simply by smiling and saying I love you.
I think sometimes we try to make it too complicated, when in fact, it is so simple. LOVE. That is the purpose for all of us. And isn\'t that the greatest purpose of all!!
So you see, it\'s not about our money, possessions, or status.....it\'s all about how much LOVE we share with others. God will never ask me how much money I gave, or how many possessions I gave, or how many times I used my status (of which I have none, with the exception of being a child of God). God asks me, \"How much LOVE did you share today\"?
Live in LOVE and you are living your purpose!
I love you my sweet, hurting friend, and I walk with you heart to heart and hand in hand as our precious JJ always says~~
Sure wish we could edit our comments after posting them. Seems no matter how many times I proof it before hitting the add comment button, afterwards I always find mistakes!!
Some days ~~ not someday\'s....geez!
Oh my dear. I believe Teri is absolutely right. We all have a purpose. I sometimes wish I didn\'t. We are here to learn and above all to love. My purpose at times is to let others in to help. Because in accepting help, I am allowing another to have a purpose.
You said you had 23 difficult years. You have survived!
I wish there was something I could say to make it better. Just know that you are not alone.
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
I am so sorry that you have had such tragic losses. It is said that we are not given anything we cannot handle.
I know there is not a mum here who has not had these same questions. I know that I have... Your purpose is simply to BE and however that looks for each day and moment IS enough. The striving can end and the painting can begin and sharing a kind word to a passerby... These are the simple things of life that are so very meaningful and let you know that you do matter my friend.
Truly, I understand taking this thought into the ring and wrestling with it and know that I have and do still at times. Our purpose becomes so connected to what we do in this life and if we don\'t feel that we are doing anything of \"value\" we tank... For me, it has taken changing my thoughts around what is of \"value.\" Everything now is from picking up a piece of rubbish along the side of the road when I\'m out for my walk to checking in with a friend with a kind word... These small acts become the foundation for that feeling of purpose for me and I have no doubt that your life is filled with moments such as this and so many more. Perhaps this is a moment to reframe and reinvent?
YOU are enough just as you are, more than enough and you are here now and that is all the purpose that is needed.
So much understanding dearest friend and with you. Lean into this feeling as you are and when you\'ve had enough of it put it away for awhile.
In the pauses are your moments for peace~ Feel them and know that you matter so very much just because YOU are YOU!
Loving care,
XO Joanie
Andelene, there are times I have felt this very same thing (I know, I still have my hubby, but...) For the first 3 years I felt my loss so completely and entirely, there was nothing left. The fourth year, I was able to find an interest here or there for short times. It will be 6 years this summer and I am fighting to regain my health and I realize I am a gentler person. Although I HATED this life lesson, I am a changed person in small ways... I do agree with the others though that leading our life through LOVE is what we share. Be gentle with yourself and know that purpose is sort of \"on hold\" for now but in time I think you will find it. I know we share a common faith and with the dawning of Easter, I hope you feel His love, our love! ~Leda
Try to keep faith in God. I love you.I care. (((((HUG)))))
I don\'t know if you\'ll think it was purpose enough... but your reaching out to me today as you have so many times in the past was like an arm around my shoulders. and I am not the only one you have helped with your love and kindness. I remember from when we first started talking before Colleen passed how grateful I have been for you many times. I just really want you to know I am saying with total sincerity you have helped me many times.
You\'ve had a lot of crosses to bear... It may not be fair... but I\'m so glad you are Colleen\'s mama. You loved and love her... You made her life although too short in years it was long on pleasure. I used to read your posts about things you and Colleen did together and just be so happy for you all. I know its hard, having been a caregiver for your husband and Colleen and for your daughter and granddaughter too in these past years now to feel too idle. You may have to find a project... someone in your community who needs your loving heart... In the meantime I need and I know others here need and are grateful for you. Hugs Elissa
Everyone has such a good take on our journey. Love is truly the answer in this life and it gives us purpose when we give it away. Take some time to love yourself as you did for all your loved ones. Sending you some peace!!!!xoxoxo