Trying to take care of me...
This is the third weekend that I have not gone to see him. I havent talked to him all. I think this week was the hardest of the three, and I really started to feel loneliness sink in, and I started to second guess myself, and ask myself, was everything really so bad? Instead of focusing on the good moments though, I have been making myself think of all the bad ones. The constant need for sexual contact, the constant grabbing of inappropriate places even with my daughter around. Being told I am heartless and uncaring because I dont have a sex drive on a particular day, and I should want to meet his needs if I love him. The hurt looks, and the saying that I dont love and care about him because I didnt kiss him long enough, hug him long enough, or pulled my hand away when we were holding hands.
Yup, I keep telling myself the loneliness is better than going through that and being miserable and walking on egg shells.
I did see a recent picture of him on FB. He is working as an extra for a HBO series called 'Homeland' I believe. They had him in his costume, it was a moment of weakness, and then I started to think about how I felt in the relationship. It took a few hours of being bummed, but I finally got over it.
He has also been making contact with various women, so I feel he is looking to move on.
The things I have really been doing is focusing on myself and my daughter. We played on the Wii last night and had fun laughing at cutting up. We also watched a movie 'The Last Song' together. I have gotten back into taking care of myself again and working on those 50 lbs I gained from all the emotional eating I did in the relationship. I have lost 8 of them so far... I just keep telling myself that its time to take care of me, and focus on doing things I like to do with out feeling guilty because he was always so miserable, and I would avoid having fun because I felt it would make him feel bad. No more...
This is a hard thing to do... so much uncertainty. But I know this is for the best.
Yup, I keep telling myself the loneliness is better than going through that and being miserable and walking on egg shells.
I did see a recent picture of him on FB. He is working as an extra for a HBO series called 'Homeland' I believe. They had him in his costume, it was a moment of weakness, and then I started to think about how I felt in the relationship. It took a few hours of being bummed, but I finally got over it.
He has also been making contact with various women, so I feel he is looking to move on.
The things I have really been doing is focusing on myself and my daughter. We played on the Wii last night and had fun laughing at cutting up. We also watched a movie 'The Last Song' together. I have gotten back into taking care of myself again and working on those 50 lbs I gained from all the emotional eating I did in the relationship. I have lost 8 of them so far... I just keep telling myself that its time to take care of me, and focus on doing things I like to do with out feeling guilty because he was always so miserable, and I would avoid having fun because I felt it would make him feel bad. No more...
This is a hard thing to do... so much uncertainty. But I know this is for the best.
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