Trying to stay strong
Wow things are a bit out of control around me, and as I write these words I realize that I can choose to stay outside of the chaos of others.......AH continues to drink, things had slowed down a bit but only because he is back on oxy with another back surgery pending. He simply replaced alcohol with pills, and had the insane nerve to tell me that the oxy would prevent alcoholism and he no longer needed AA , decreased his group session attendance ( now he simply does not go at all) and uses his one on one therapy to discuss my personal issues ?????
Drinking continued sporadically but is escalating as expected. None of this is new, and I deal as best I can by just moving on with my own life and interests. This approach keeps the peace, and I find relative happiness.
Nothing like a BIG WRENCH IN THE GEARS......my dad is staying with me. Mother in rehab facility post knee replacement with complications. Dad will be with me another three weeks for a total of seven torture filled weeks of total disrespect. To make matters worse, he fell down the stairs and cracked two ribs and is now a cross between a temper tantrum prone four year old/ screaming nursing home patient/ and know it all prick. My life has been put on hold. I am four weeks in and working hard to maintain my center. With stoned/ drunk husband as helper.......??????
i AM however noticing up close how my upbringing negatively affected so much of my adult life. I am trying to find the "gift" in this experience, even if it is karmic atonement for past transgressions. Now I am crying, hubby( who is probably drunk) just called me at work to let me know he thinks it is a "good idea" if I stop at the nursing home after work. Why? So he can sober up some? Really? When my niece is covering today..... And since my dad does not need a ride home today it will be one of the few days I can go straight home. Ugh but home to a drunk husband and a creepy father. Visiting my sickness addicted mother is no break either.
This whole thing is a guilt party, but ya know....... I was kind of feeling sorry for my husband for being the primary caregiver to my father while I am at work, but when I was told that it was the justified reason for returning to drinking ( along with oxy and tranquilizer s)...... I say at least you are making yourself useful.
i guess I am feeling sorry for myself today because I feel overwhelmed and it seems like the people I have been taught to believe love me the most have disappointed me and taken advantage of me for most of my life. Oh poor me. Please tell me to stop.
Drinking continued sporadically but is escalating as expected. None of this is new, and I deal as best I can by just moving on with my own life and interests. This approach keeps the peace, and I find relative happiness.
Nothing like a BIG WRENCH IN THE GEARS......my dad is staying with me. Mother in rehab facility post knee replacement with complications. Dad will be with me another three weeks for a total of seven torture filled weeks of total disrespect. To make matters worse, he fell down the stairs and cracked two ribs and is now a cross between a temper tantrum prone four year old/ screaming nursing home patient/ and know it all prick. My life has been put on hold. I am four weeks in and working hard to maintain my center. With stoned/ drunk husband as helper.......??????
i AM however noticing up close how my upbringing negatively affected so much of my adult life. I am trying to find the "gift" in this experience, even if it is karmic atonement for past transgressions. Now I am crying, hubby( who is probably drunk) just called me at work to let me know he thinks it is a "good idea" if I stop at the nursing home after work. Why? So he can sober up some? Really? When my niece is covering today..... And since my dad does not need a ride home today it will be one of the few days I can go straight home. Ugh but home to a drunk husband and a creepy father. Visiting my sickness addicted mother is no break either.
This whole thing is a guilt party, but ya know....... I was kind of feeling sorry for my husband for being the primary caregiver to my father while I am at work, but when I was told that it was the justified reason for returning to drinking ( along with oxy and tranquilizer s)...... I say at least you are making yourself useful.
i guess I am feeling sorry for myself today because I feel overwhelmed and it seems like the people I have been taught to believe love me the most have disappointed me and taken advantage of me for most of my life. Oh poor me. Please tell me to stop.
Replies
You hit the nail on the head talking about the people you have been taught to believe in most disappointing or taking advantage. I think you do amazing in tough circumstances so I know you\'ll figure out how to deal with this one. Just know you have support and can vent here any time. I don\'t think it\'s a bad sign, by the way, to feel sorry for yourself when things pile up like this (for a little while). You don\'t have an addiction so you can feel the emotions, deal with them, and then move forward. It\'s normal and healthy for you. :)