Trying to stay positive

I actually feel a bit better since I worked through a list of things to do next week to move me on my way. Having a plan, even one that seems kind of casual, is better than not. Today I am going to take my girls to the beach. He went to the race track with his friends, in the camper that I helped pay for, that is in my name, and that the three kids and I helped him renovate with our own sweat equity, but that we have never been able to go anywhere in. I long ago stopped bringing that little hurt up because it just isn't worth it. But I'm not going to pretend it doesn't smart a little still. Alexis came out of the room all excited when he pulled up in it last night and asked if they needed to get dressed. At this point I didn't know what she was getting at so I asked her did she want to get dressed. She said, "isn't daddy finally taking us somewhere in the RV?" (this is the second summer that I'm afraid the answer is going to be no). Anyway, I conveyed that to him this morning as he was leaving, and that I was going to take the kids to the beach to get out of the house today. He started shaking his head and caught an attitude because I shouldn't be wasting the gas money to take them out, and there are things I could be doing here at the house. When I told him I work all week, they go to school all week, and I would like to do something aside from work and clean, he started screaming at me that he doesn't want to hear my bullshit again, he's done with the conversation and he left. Okay, I'm trying not to let that bring me down, but this reminding myself of the good things is getting so exhausting!!! I just want to curl into a ball and cry and scream out the frustration with this situation. I will write in the journal instead, to get it out, and go about my day trying to have fun with my girls!!